


don't you drop me halfway through

by sur (reclist)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-11-29 03:42:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11432433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reclist/pseuds/sur
Summary: Junhwe doesn't have a girlfriend. Not really. But nothing stops him from fucking the same one girl every chance he gets, not even Jinhwan and the ugly feeling in his gut every time Junhwe mentions her.Jinhwan wonders if Junhwe misses the hurried needy handjobs and neck bites in bathroom stalls, if Junhwe liked it better with him or if it's only better with her because she's ashe.





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> i've always wanted to write really long fics, because i love reading them the most tho im unbelievably bad at finishing anything i ever write. but then this happened and kept happening so im finally doing this thing i've been really wanting to do.
> 
> a thousand billion thanks to jae my gf for being the reason i even finished the first 1k words.
> 
> this fic is set in august 2015, between the end of m&m and ikons official debut, i tried my best to follow canon, but please ignore any discrepancies

Junhwe doesn't have a girlfriend. Not really– that'd be against the rules. But nothing stops him from fucking the same one girl every chance he gets, not even Jinhwan and the ugly feeling in his gut every time Junhwe mentions her.

Jinhwan wonders if he misses the hurried, needy handjobs and neck bites in bathroom stalls, if Junhwe liked it better with him or if it's only better with her because she's a _she_. He tries not to wonder too often why Junhwe dropped him the first chance he got.

Jinhwan swears sometimes he can sense Junhwe stare a little too much at his sweaty skin after practice, but he wouldn't bet on it. It's not worth it, anyway.

 

Their official debut is right around the corner, but it’s been like that for so long Jinhwan can’t allow himself to get his hopes up. Still, it'd be nice to be good enough for once.

Practice gets harder, more exhausting and intense with each passing day. WIN and Mix and Match left him empty in some ways, full in others. But the overall feeling for all of them is the need to work hard and push harder and sacrifice even more– for a chance to get in reward a small percent of what Jinhwan feels they already deserve.

But it's all worth it. For the nights he spends with Jiwon and Hanbin, for the daily practices that leaves them exhausted but content and vibrating with motivation, knowing that no matter how far away their goal feels sometimes, they’re still here, making it come true a day at a time.

“Let's do one more,” Hanbin says. “If it's perfect we're done for the night.”

The routine turns out as perfect as it can with only a day of practice and Hanbin leaves them be, heading back to the studio like always. Jinhwan sits on the floor against the wall of the room, gulping down a bottle of water like it'll hydrate his exhaustion away. Junhwe follows.

“I was expecting it to be worse,” he says.

“Yeah,” Jinhwan chuckles. “Me too.”

Junhwe grabs another bottle, playing with the cap without opening it. He looks at Jinhwan from the corner of his eye, Jinhwan notices, but he’s still petty and jealous enough not to prompt him on.

“This Friday is BigBang’s anniversary party,” Junwhe says after what feels like hours.

“Yeah.”

“You gonna go?”

Jinhwan looks at him straight on after that, because how could he not.

“Okay,” Junhwe adds instantly. “Stupid question.” He sounds nervous and completely out of character. “Are you going to bring someone with you?”

“Who would I even bring,” Jinhwan answers with obvious annoyance, though he didn’t mean to show it.

“I don’t know, just wondering. I wanted to bring Hyejin but she can’t make it and I didn’t want to hang on my own.” Jinhwan doesn’t say anything. “Hanbin and Jiwon are always with other people, so...”

Junhwe isn’t wrong, Chanwoo can’t go since he’s underage, and Yunhyeong and Donghyuk have early schedules. There’s no rational reason to be pissed, or jealous, or hurt, but he can’t help it.

“Yeah. Don’t worry, I won’t drop you halfway through.” Jinhwan smiles. Still, he hopes Junhwe will read between the lines.

By the way Junhwe smiles back, Jinhwan can tell he doesn’t.

 

Thursday goes by fast, more of the same– some photoshoots, more practice, and spending the hours before going to sleep at the studio with Hanbin and Jiwon.

“This chick sent me a text saying she’ll be at BigBang’s party,” Jiwon says when Hanbin pauses the song he’s working on for long enough to have a conversation.

“We know her?” Hanbin asks, sounding uncharacteristically interested.

“Don’t think so. I met her at a show she was a back up dancer at.”

“She got a name?” Jinhwan asks.

“Don’t know. She’s listed as ‘concert back-up dancer chick.’”

“God, you suck,” Hanbin says, and gets back to his track.

 

Jinhwan wakes up early the on Friday morning, his body clock still obeying his usual sleep schedule. He gives up on getting any more sleep and gets up to get coffee, finding Junhwe and Hanbin already drinking a cup each.

“Mornin’,” Hanbin says before taking a sip.

Junhwe smiles at Jinhwan with warm eyes. Jinhwan can’t bring himself to smile back.

“Want some?” He asks.

“Sure.”

Jinhwan walks over to them, grabbing his own mug and extending it to Junhwe, who fills it up almost to the top.

“Add some milk, though,” Junhwe says. “They say it’s supposed to make you taller.”

Hanbin laughs in the background and Jinhwan glares at both of them. Then Junhwe winks and Jinhwan’s insides melt.

 

Jinhwan tries not to think too much about tonight, anxiety creeping up on the back of his mind at the thought of spending the whole night, drunk, with Junhwe and probably not many other people around.

He plays guitar for a while, but he can’t concentrate enough to remember a single chord transition, and he fucks up the rhythm more often than not. He’s smart about one thing, though, he showers pretty early to avoid the frenzy of seven guys trying to use the bathroom all at once with only an hour or two of hot water.

The steam does him good. He forces himself to let his mind wander to something that’s not the party, the water relaxing his muscles, and washing up provides a good distraction from thinking too hard about everything. Next thing, he’s picturing rough hands on his soft skin and plush lips against his neck.

He curses out loud, a little bit too loud apparently, since Chanwoo hears him from the hallway.

“Hyung? You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he answers, begging for Chanwoo not to linger. “Just dropped the shampoo.”

“Alright, be careful.”

Once he can’t hear Chanwoo’s steps, he sighs and washes his face two more times, just because.

 

Jinhwan has a lot of crises, some bigger than others, some more rational and some more emotional. And his go-to is usually Donghyuk or Yunhyeong, but this time he thinks Jiwon would get it a bit better.

He knocks on Jiwon’s door, trying to figure out how to have this conversation without giving away too much while still getting his point across.

“Come on in.”

Jinhwan cracks the door open and sticks his head inside, checking if he’s alone.

“Hey. Where are the others?”

“Hanbin’s in the studio, obviously.” Jinhwan can’t help but roll his eyes. “And I think Junhwe went to get food.”

“Good, okay. Are you busy?” He asks stepping inside.

“Do I look busy?” Jiwon grins, lying on his bed face up, playing with his phone. Jinhwan gets closer to the bed and sits at Jiwon’s feet.

“How’s it going with your girl?”

“Nothing’s going, until tonight at least.” Jiwon says without looking away from the screen. “She’s coming to the party with a friend, I’ll see if I can hook Hanbin up. Though doubtful.”

“Yeah, but it’d be cool if you did, Hanbin needs–”

“You don’t care about any of this,” Jiwon interrupts, still typing. “Tell me what you are actually here for.”

“I do care. About you and Hanbin.”

Jiwon looks straight into Jinhwan’s eyes.

“Okay, fair enough, I don’t.” Jiwon has that smug face he does when proved right, and Jinhwan hates how often he’s seen it lately. “Shut up. I need to talk.”

“Even more?” He says with a mocking smirk. “You’re not going to cry on me, are you?”

“God. You’re a shitty friend.” They grin at each other, getting more comfortable on the bed.

“What’s up, Jinani? I’m all ears.”

Jinhwan rolls his eyes at Jiwon’s sarcastic tone, then takes a deep breath and speaks. “Something happened, with someone, some time ago, and, like,” he hesitates, tries to think of what to say next. Jiwon stays silent and waits for him to continue.

That’s when Jinhwan realizes he’s not exactly sure where he’s going with this. They’re all friends or at least acquaintances with each other’s friends, the few ones they have, and there’s only so much Jinhwan can explain without confessing everything, or getting too personal, or having to admit things to Jiwon he hasn’t even thought out loud to himself.

And mostly, all he wants is to complain and mop and drown in his loneliness the way he’s so used to.

“I can hear you overthinking,” Jiwon tells him with a raised eyebrow. “Just say it, man. Out with it.”

“Basically–” Another deep breath. “I’m angry, or lonely, or hurt, or something like that, and I don’t even have someone to blame. It’s really nobody’s fault. I just needed to complain.”

“Okay,” Jiwon answers. “I get that, but I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“That’s fine, you don’t need to know. I only wanted to let it out.”

“Dude, really? Who are you talking about and what happened?”

“It’s not that serious, though. I was fooling around with someone and it kinda stopped and I’m not sure how to feel about it.”

“Wait,” Jiwon stands up on his elbows. “June? What’d he do now?”

Jinhwan freezes for a second before remembering that, right, there’s practically nothing they can hide from each other. Living together and all that.

“Right. Of course you know.”

“Well, yeah. You weren’t exactly hiding it, either.”

“That’s true,” Jinhwan sighs. He lies on his back next to Jiwon before continuing. “He’s fucking a girl now, and he’s telling me all these stories about it as if nothing ever happened.”

“That’s shitty.”

Jiwon’s answer reminds Jinhwan why he doesn’t usually go to him for advice. He’s fucking awful at it, but talking to Donghyuk about how he’s been having sex with Junhwe somehow felt wrong.

“It’s not, actually.” Jinhwan continues. “That’s where I’m conflicted. We weren’t exclusive or anything of the sort, we’re still only friends, he can do whatever he wants and I shouldn’t feel bad about it.”

“But you do.”

“But I do,” Jinhwan says.

“Still, though. I think he should’ve at least told you. I mean, it’s not like you guys don’t know each other.”

Jinhwan turns his face towards Jiwon. Maybe he’s not so bad at this.

“Yeah. I guess you’re right, too.”

“That’s what I would’ve done,” Jiwon adds then, and Jinhwan laughs.

“Of course you would have.”

“Do you like him, though?”

Now, that gets Jinhwan thinking. Not that he hasn’t before, but something about someone else asking forces him to find a semi-solid answer.

“No. I don’t think so. I mean, I’ve thought about it,” he confesses. “But still hurts, you know? I just... Feel used, in a sense.”

Jinhwan doesn’t add the extra detail of how his biggest insecurity and problem comes with the fact the girl Junhwe’s fucking is a _girl_.

“Don’t worry so much. The party will do you good.”

Jinhwan leaves after some casual talk, ready to stop thinking about Junhwe though he knows it won’t last. Junhwe is back by now, so Jinhwan returns to his room before he’s forced to any kind of interaction and goes straight to napping, though he doesn’t really need to.

He dreams of hot breaths and heavy weight on top of him that then turn into soft curves and high-pitched moans he’s sure aren’t his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty! i have a couple chapters written already, so i'm gonna try to update once a week, or maybe less, depending on the feedback i get and how fast i develop the story. i'd highly appreciate kudos/any kind of feedback (and lmk if i made any kind of mistake!), no matter how short (because writing is Hard) and specially any constructive criticism you wanna throw my way.
> 
> if you made it to end of the chapter, a hundred thank u's <3


	2. the party

Donghyuk wakes him up a couple hours later, ready to settle down in the room and get ready for bed. It makes Jinhwan a bit sad that he can’t come with them, he’d be more than needed company.

“Hey, Dong.”

“Hi, Jinani. You should get ready to leave.”

“Yeah,” he answers with a yawn. “Thanks, man.”

Donghyuk makes his signature sweet smile, and that’s all it takes for Jinhwan’s anxiety to go away slightly .

Jinhwan thinks he should shower again, not because he’s sweaty, but it makes sense to shower right before a party. Truth is he doesn’t care much, so he gets up to find some fitting clothes. He chooses something casual enough and says goodbye to Donghyuk before leaving the room, who wishes him good luck and a fun night. If only he knew how much he’s going to need both.

Jiwon, Hanbin and Junhwe are already in the living room, sitting around and chatting before it’s time to leave.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Jinan,” says Hanbin. “Ready to go? The van’s picking us up in 10’.”

“Yeah, I’m all set.”

Jinhwan sits next to Jiwon at the end of the couch, listening to the part of the conversation he missed.

“Jiwon here is trying to hook Hanbin up,” Junhwe says half laughing.

“Hey! I never agreed to that.”

“You don't need to agree, man,” Jiwon says. “I'm doing you a favor here, just take it.”

Jinhwan laughs along. “I'd say take the offer. What's the worst that could happen? Get laid?”

Hanbin starts playing with the ripped jeans around his knee. “It's not that, I'm just bad at flirting and stuff.”

“Dude, you don’t even need to talk if you don’t want to,” Jiwon answers. “ It’s not like she doesn’t know your intentions.”

Jinhwan thinks Jiwon’s trying hard to help Hanbin. He also wonders what exactly is going through his mind, given that Jiwon knows better than anyone Hanbin’s not the one night stand type.

“Try it out, man. That’s all we’re saying,” Junhwe adds.

Hanbin looks as embarrassed as he ever does when the subject is brought up, and Jinhwan notices him glancing towards Jiwon a little more than necessary. But there’s something else hiding in Hanbin’s face, it’s likely Jinhwan isn’t the only one with relationship issues. He’ll find out eventually, anyway.

The bell rings seconds later, and they do a general check up of phones and wallets, then shout their goodbyes to the rest of the house and close the door behind them.

Jinhwan enjoys parties. Not because of the dancing or loud music and lights, but they’re a nice excuse to spend quality time with his friends without focusing on anything apart from the good drinks and even better laughs. Talking with Jiwon calmed him down, though there’s always a bit of anxiety lingering in the back of his mind.

Jinhwan tuned out part of the conversation while in the van, so he has to listen closely to get back on track.

“Anyways, enough about me and whatever is or isn’t going to happen,” Hanbin says, batting his hands away like he’s trying to physically get Jiwon and Junhwe off his back. “What about you, Junhwe? You sound awfully concerned about me for someone who already has plans tonight.”

And, of course, it was going to get brought up eventually.

“Nah, it’s going to be a quiet night for me. I was gonna bring this girl but it didn’t work out.”

“She dumped your ass?” Jiwon laughs. “There’ll be lots of people at the party. You can try your luck, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.”

“Fuck off. And she didn’t dump me, she just couldn’t make it. We’re not even going out or anything,” Junhwe explains. “I’m not like you, anyway. I can’t just fuck someone I don’t even know and drop them right after.”

Jinhwan finds that unbelievably ironic. He has to take a deep breath to stop himself from actually laughing out loud.

Jiwon side eyes him from the backseat without saying anything.

 

It’s a short drive. The club YG rented is near a financial district, so loud music and people hanging outside shouldn’t be a problem. The bouncers at the door let them in without question, and the music goes from making itself felt under Jinhwan’s feet to the low bass going through his entire body.

Inside, the lighting is just enough to recognize people without feeling too exposed, the illusion of privacy causing the people on the dance floor to go all out. There’s color wash red and blue lights, too, and they reflect on Junhwe’s clothes and skin so nicely Jinhwan has to focus a little too much not to stare.

They walk to the far end of the club to claim an empty table with two couches. A first generation k-pop song is playing loudly, dimming chatter from everyone around them.

“Want me to get the drinks?” Jinhwan offers, the bar to his right almost empty.

“Jinan! Get me some soju. Be back in a sec,” Jiwon says, heading to a crowd of people dancing near them.

He’s still gone by the time Jinhwan gets back, he can see him talking to a couple of girls at the distance. Hanbin is looking at him too, hands back to playing with his jeans.

“The asshole is fast,” Junhwe says.

Jinhwan sets the tray with the glasses on the table and sits next to Junhwe for the sake of not having to walk around the table to get to Jiwon’s empty seat.

“To a proper night of relaxing and fun,” Hanbin says, raising his drink. 

The three of them clink glasses and gulp down more alcohol than strictly necessary for a cheer, putting them down at the same time and sharing a look of relief at the promise of a night without worries.

Jiwon gets back then, the two girls walking behind him.

“Hey, guys,” he says. “This is Seohyeon and Minji.”

They greet each other as best as they can, mostly because Hanbin is so awkward he’s making everyone else awkward, too. Jiwon squints at him, telling him to get his shit together with a single look.

Hanbin is staring at Seohyeon and how close she’s standing next to Jiwon. Jinhwan can’t believe how he didn't noticed before, probably too occupied with his own boy problems. Jiwon, however, has no excuses. He’s second best at reading Hanbin, but this time he’s oblivious, or just good at ignoring what he doesn’t want to see.

Jinhwan has to change seats to make space for the girls, moving next to Hanbin with Minji on the opposite side. Jiwon and Seohyeon settling down on Junhwe’s seat.

Jiwon and Seohyeon lead the conversation, comfortable with each other but making it awkward for everyone else, being the only ones talking like normal people. Then there’s Minji, with more confidence in herself than Hanbin could ever muster. He’s trying to play it cool nonetheless, offering her a drink and asking where she’s from, but Jinhwan can tell this isn’t quite his cup of tea.

Junhwe throws a look and a smirk at Jinhwan, laughing together at the weird exchange of conversations next to them.

Minji and Seohyeon have been friends since middle school, so they have a lot of funny stories to tell, Jiwon and Hanbin sharing the ones of their own that relate in some way. Jinhwan is quiet, but Junhwe makes up for it with his loudness and witty comments every now and then.

The place is quickly getting packed, to the point people are leaning on the back of their couches for lack of a better place to sit down. The music got louder, too, so they need to shout to hear each other. It makes it easier for Jinhwan to tune out the conversation, so he doesn’t mind too much.

He’s startled when FXXK IT starts playing and Jiwon’s excitement goes from 50 to 100, who offers Seohyeon to dance, and she quickly gets up from her seat and takes his hand to rush them to the dance floor.

“Dude, c’mon!” Jiwon yells at Hanbin before disappearing in the crowd.

Hanbin has never looked so lost in his life, mouth half open and looking at Junhwe for help, so Minji takes the initiative. “Let’s dance, yeah?”

“Oh. I don’t really–” he says shaking his hands, but Minji reaches out her own with a smile and they leave the same way Jiwon did.

“Oh, thank fucking God,” Junhwe says, relaxing on his seat. “That was awful.”

“I know,” Jinhwan answers laughing.

It’s way better now that they’re gone, but it also means he’s alone with Junhwe in a table that’s much too big for them.

“See? This is why I didn’t want to be alone here.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” Jinhwan smiles lightly, wishing the rest of the guys could’ve come. “I’m too sober, though. You want anything else from the bar?”

“Yes, please. Get the strongest thing you find.”

“That was my plan all along,” Jinhwan says with a wink, and Junhwe gives him a flirty smirk in return.

Jinhwan can’t wait to get wasted, forget all of this and have a genuinely good time with Junhwe – Jiwon and Hanbin, too, if they ever come back – and finally get his head in place and figure out what’s bothering so much, if anything. It’d be ideal to realize Junhwe’s thing with Hyejin is meaningless to him, exactly how it should be, because Junhwe is still his, in a sense, and Hyejin is no threat.

Jinhwan only needs to make sure he’s still enough for Junhwe to keep him around, that’s the only thing that matters.

“That was definitely awkward,” says Jinhwan once he gets back.

“I know,” Junhwe laughs. “Hanbin isn't wired for it.”

“I feel kind of bad for him, though. I don't think he's getting laid any time soon.”

They don’t stop laughing after that, making fun of the people around them, because how could they not, and jump from talking about their dance routine and songs to choreograph and cover later on to Junhwe making so many bad drunk jokes Jinhwan can’t catch a breath.

This is how it’s supposed to be, all chemistry and trust. The whole thing is in his head and it doesn’t matter nearly as much as he feels it does.

The drinks continue to come and go, Jiwon and Hanbin nowhere to be seen, though Jinhwan scans the crowd a couple times looking for them. He hopes Hanbin warmed up to the idea, and probably did given it’s been almost an hour since they left– the kid really needs to de-stress.  
Junhwe is typing on his phone by the time Jinhwan gets his attention back to him. He can’t help but glance at Junhwe’s phone, and it’s all downhill from here. He's drunk enough but still takes a big gulp of soju before asking, “Hyejin?”

Junhwe goes from smiling at his phone to looking up at Jinhwan’s question, hiding the screen with a movement of his hand.

“Yeah,” he answers, voice soft. “She just texted to ask how’s the party.”

They drink a swig of their glasses at the same time, Jinhwan cursing himself for ever bringing it up, atmosphere tensing in a second.

This is what he means, sharing a space alone with Junhwe is comfortable and fun, then a second later the air is filled with all the words they haven’t said to each other, the ones neither of them want to say. They didn't talk about it when they started fooling around, and Jinhwan curses himself for overlooking such an important factor.

“How’s that going, anyway?”

Junhwe puts the phone face down on the table, not meeting Jinhwan's eyes. “Just goin’. I mean, it's just sex. We're friends but we're not that close either.”

Jinhwan doesn’t answer, doesn’t even know what he’d say, doesn’t even know why he asked in the first place. This isn’t new for him, creating situations he knows will hurt him like he’s trying to make himself stay miserable for as long as he can.

“Yeah,” he ends up answering. Half of his brain wants to get the fuck out of there and the other half is begging for him to say something, anything, to keep the conversation going in hopes he’ll get some closure.

 _Despacito_ starts playing then, and there’s a loud yell from somewhere at the opposite side of the club, definitely Hanbin, who sounds like he’s having way more fun than he did at the beginning. Jinhwan wishes he could be happy for him, but all he has right now is a hole in his chest, a closed throat, and anger mixed with helplessness.

“Seems like at least someone’s having fun,” says Junhwe, trying to change the conversation.

Jinhwan isn’t going to let him, he takes another swing of his almost empty glass and says, “Where did you meet her? You never told me much about her.” He fixes his stare into Junhwe’s eyes, who looks like he just stepped on a cat’s tail on accident. “You never really told me much about anything.”

 

The real question is hidden between the lines, but it’s easy enough for Junhwe to spot if he’s willing to talk.

“I don’t– I don’t really know. I mean, it just happened.” Junhwe moves his empty drink around, with no idea on how to lead the conversation.

“How did you meet?” He asks stressing the words, because there’s obviously something Junhwe doesn’t want to tell him and Jinhwan’s drunk and fed up and angry.

“She was–” Junhwe stops. “She was backstage at a photoshoot.” Nothing about that would upset Jinhwan, so he waits for Junhwe to drop whatever bomb he’s about to drop. “She was with some friends, and they were, well, fans–”

All of Jinhwan’s emotions turn into a single ugly feeling of disgust with a lot of other little pieces.

“You’re fucking a fan? You’re fucking a fan.”

“No! No, I didn’t. She wasn’t a fan. One of her friends was, she was only hanging with her,” Junhwe explains, eyes wide and breathing fast, like he’s scared Jinhwan won’t believe him.

“That– Junhwe, for fuck’s sake. What were you _thinking_? Is she even legal?” He’s trying hard not to stand up and hit him and scream and throw at him whatever is in reach.

“Jinhwan. Listen, please,” Junhwe sounds almost desperate, like he regrets what he did more than he regrets telling Jinhwan. “You know I’m not that kind of guy, you know I’d never– Jinhwan, you know me. Nothing even happened at first, I met her again on the street like a week later on coincidence and we just hit it off.” Junhwe is talking so fast Jinhwan has to focus to follow along. “And even after that, we were just friends for a while. But I swear to you by that time I already knew her age and she didn’t know me at all. Jinhwan– Please.”

Jinhwan takes a deep breath, melts a little against the couch and looks straight forward, anywhere but at Junhwe. He's too drunk to think about this clearly, to say anything to Junhwe he won't regret later. He answers, “Okay. Fine. I just– I can't talk about this right now.”

Jinhwan spends the rest of the night drinking alone at the bar.

They don’t see each other again until they get back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know despacito came out this year but please roll with it we should let hanbin have some fun


	3. therapy chats

Hanbin had a good night, apparently, judging by the hickey Jinhwan can see right under his collarbone. It’s low enough to hide easily but not low enough for the loose v neck he’s wearing.

Jinhwan had two analgesics as breakfast for his hangover, a litre of water for his awful physical state, and now a cup of coffee with more caffeine than usual to keep him awake and half-alive for the rest of the day.

He’s sitting in the living room with Hanbin next to him, pretty much in the same shape. Neither of them are awake enough to say anything, or they would’ve discussed his hickey already, especially because Hanbin looked beside himself with embarrassment when he came into the room.

Junhwe and Jiwon are the only ones still sleeping, so things are mostly quiet apart from Yunhyeong, Donghyuk and Chanwoo chatting in the kitchen. Soon enough, they join them in the living room and the interrogation begins.

“Hanbin!” Donghyuk yells when he spots them.

“Oh. My. God,” says Chanwoo right behind him. “I can’t believe this.”

Hanbin shoots a panicked look at both of them, crouching his back slightly like that’ll hide the huge purple mark.

“Woah. I wasn’t expecting that,” Yunhyeong adds, sitting down with the rest.

“Stop–” Hanbin tries to say.

Right after comes a loud cheering from Chanwoo and everyone follows. Save Jinhwan who’s wishing he had no ears.

“Wait, wait, wait. I want to hear it from the man himself,” Donghyuk says calming them enough to let Hanbin talk, though he doesn’t look like he wants to.

“It’s not what you think,” he starts.

Jinhwan rolls his eyes at such a textbook saying.

“Hanbin, c’mon. We weren’t there, you need to give us something,” Yunhyeong pushes.

“But there’s nothing to tell! It was just making out.”

“You really need to thank Jiwon when he wakes up, you owe him big time,” Chanwoo says. “I hate to be jealous but I kind of am.”

Yunhyeong and Donghyuk laugh at that, making vague gestures in agreement. Hanbin won’t look up, recalling the prior night, but only Jinhwan is looking at him to notice.

Chanwoo gets them back to the conversation with, “That can’t be all. There’s no way that’s it.”

“It is,” Hanbin states. “I’m taking a shower.”

He sets his half-full coffee cup down on the table and leaves with a chorus of whistling and shouts behind him.

 

Hanbin does them all a favor and postpones practice until night, though he disappears to the studio soon enough with Jiwon following. 

Jinhwan takes advantage of the free time with a long shower, the water takes care of his sore muscles and the weird feeling that was left stuck under his skin after the party. He joins the rest of the guys in the living room after dressing, knowing being alone will do nothing but get him overthinking and upset again.

Junhwe is there, sitting on the couch in front of the television, watching Chanwoo and Yunhyeong play Overwatch. He makes a space for himself next to Donghyuk, with Junhwe in the opposite side and stays silent, only laughing when Yunhyeong loses, which is 10 times out of 9.

“Do you wanna play, Jinan?” Chanwoo asks. “I think Yunhyeong could use a break.”

“Fuck off,” he says. “I’m not that bad. The Joystick is lagging.”

“That’s what losers say!” Junhwe adds with his high pitched laugh.

“No, thanks,” he answers before the conversation changes. “I'm good here.”

Jinhwan notices Junhwe looking at him, not at all subtle, but Jinhwan doesn’t spare him a glance.

However, Junhwe doesn’t stop, and now Jinhwan is sure he’s doing this to get his attention. It goes on for long enough that he can’t take it anymore– he makes sure Junhwe catches his pissed off face and goes to his room. Chanwoo sees him leaving, looking confused, but Jinhwan doesn’t catch it. Neither how Junhwe’s face turns into hurt at the sight.

 

Jinhwan wishes he could sleep, no thinking or feeling for at least a couple hours, but after trying for long enough he decides to get his guitar instead. They don’t get enough free time for him to practice, it’d be a shame to waste the opportunity.

Jinhwan takes a breath, switching to his professional persona, but it takes him a little more time than usual to achieve it. He’s starting to believe no talk with Junhwe will help. He wants to go back to friends, before anything between them happened. They’re not fucking anymore, Junhwe has a girl now, and that’s the only thing that’s changed in their relationship. He only needs to give himself time to internalize this.

They've been through too much, for too long, for something this insignificant to ruin them, though nothing about this like it. But it is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, they both know that, and knowing it's never going to tear them apart helps.

Jinhwan rubs his face with both hands, sighing deeply and forcing his brain to shut up for the fifth time that day. He’s been practicing _Smoke on The Water_ by _Deep Purple_ since he first started playing, but with the little time he has free he needs to relearn the entire song every time. He starts with the first few chords, forcing himself to remember the positions without looking at the music sheet.

He gives up when the plucking starts and only needs to look at the sheet once to refresh his memory.

Two hours later, he’s putting down his guitar when there’s a knock on the door. He doesn’t get to answer before Jiwon sneaks his head in.

“Hey, Jinan.”

“Hey.”

“Practicing?” Jiwon asks closing the door behind him and settling down on Jinhwan’s bed.

“A little, yeah. What’s up?”

“Just wanted to check up on you, we haven’t talked since yesterday night,” he says, eyes focused on Jinhwan making himself comfortable next to him.

“Ugh,” Jinhwan lets out unintentionally.

“I figured,” Jiwon laughs.

“Fuck you. Don’t flaunt your success on my face like that.”

“Oh man, I have something to tell you about last night.” Jiwon has the biggest grin on his face.

“If it includes dirty details I don’t want to know,” Jinhwan says.

Jiwon smirks, and Jinhwan gets ready to listen to him making a big deal out of getting laid when Jinhwan didn’t, praising his own amazing hook up tactics and whatnot. 

“Nothing happened with Seohyeon, she left shortly after you met her.”

That’s when Jinhwan gets lost. “Then what did you even do until we left?” He frowns, this could either be really bad, or really, really good and a mess.

“I mean, we danced for a while,” Jiwon explains. “But I made out with someone else after she left.”

“That’s what you’re so excited to tell me? That you made out with someone else?”

“God dude, let me talk.” Jiwon sits straight on the bed, back against the wall. “I was with Seohyeon when I saw Hanbin on the dancefloor and I thought he was with Minji, you know? But he was on his own, walking back to the table. I told Seohyeon to give me a second so I could check up on him, but she noticed Hanbin, too, and told me we could just leave it for another day.” Jinhwan nods, prompting him on. “So. I go up to him and ask what happened, and he says he wasn’t feeling it. He was pretty drunk, too, and you probably heard him scream when _Despacito_ started playing.” Jinhwan nods, chuckling at the memory. “He told me he didn’t want to miss the song so we danced and drank some more, and once we got tired instead of going back to the table we hung at the back of the club, I don’t know why. I guess we just wanted to be alone, y’know?”

“Oh my God,” Jinhwan says, puzzle pieces falling into place. “Did you–?”

“Dude, I don’t fucking know, one second we were laughing and making jokes and the next I was looking at him and he was already looking back with this face of like, complete fucking bliss or fascination or something, so I got closer and then he was kissing me. And I was kissing back.”

Jiwon speaks so fast Jinhwan needs a second to understand.

“Okay. Woah, dude, how– When did this happen? Or is it just casual? Because I don’t want to be an ass, but my thing with Junhwe was casual and look how it ended up”

“Nah, I don’t know, I mean– I’ve always thought he was hot, you know this. I wasn’t too sober at the moment, but now I can’t stop thinking about it.” 

“So?” There’s a smile the size of the moon on Jinhwan’s face, because at least things are working out for someone. “Did you like it? Do you like him?”

“Of course I liked it, do I sound like I didn’t? We made out twice.”

“You kissed him twice.” Jinhwan deadpans. “Twice.”

“Yeah, we made out twice.” Jiwon has this proud look on his face. “Man, I think I wouldn’t mind if something else happened.” He threads his fingers through his hair, teeth pressing down on his lower lip. “I don’t know what he thinks about it though, and I don’t know how to ask him, either.”

“Tell me about it,” Jinhwan says sarcastically. “It’s Hanbin, man. He’s not the best at this stuff but he’s still a pretty straightforward and honest guy, I’m sure it won’t be too hard to have that conversation.” Jinhwan punches Jiwon on the arm playfully, and sighs before adding, “Jesus, man, how did we end up like this?”

“No fucking clue,” Jiwon laughs. “Your turn now.”

“Fuck. Please, don’t make me.”

Jinhwan tells him pretty much everything, starting with him and Hanbin leaving and how awkward it had been, to the joking and good times, to Hyejin texting Junhwe and how the conversation started. He leaves out the part where Junhwe explains how he met her, because it’s not something Jinhwan thinks has the right to share.

“Basically, apparently it’s just fucking, and they’re not even that close. Which honestly does not make me feel better at all. I just feel like I was just one more person, you know?”

Jiwon makes a sound of understanding before asking, “Did you tell him that, though?” Jinhwan stays silent a second too long. “You didn’t,” Jiwon says. “And you said yourself you have no reason to be mad?”

“Well, yeah, but–” Jinhwan tries.

“And he’s only a friend?”

“Yes. Yes, I know. But he makes it look like he only wanted sex and the second he saw something better he dropped me.”

“Oh,” Jiwon says. “Replacement issues?” Jinhwan pouts and, though it looks sarcastic and forced, they both know it’s raw truth. “I don’t know, man, I’m not good at this feelings thing. You should talk to him, I think that’s what Donghyuk would say.”

Jinhwan rolls his eyes at that, and they both end up laughing like it’s some kind of fat joke. And maybe it is, maybe it’s all in Jinhwan’s head, maybe it’s not such a big deal at all.

 

There’s a knock on Jinhwan’s door that night.

“Junhwe,” Jinhwan says surprised.

“Hey, Jinan. Can we talk for a second?”

Jinhwan was ready to go to bed, head spinning with his conversation with Jiwon and a mess on his mind that makes absolutely no sense. “I was about to sleep, actually.”

“Five minutes,” Junhwe says. “That’s all I need.”

“Tomorrow,” Jinhwan cuts him off. “I can’t do this today, Junhwe.”

“You were the one who asked me to tell you in the first place.”

“Okay, get in the room,” Jinhwan hisses. He closes the door before saying, “I wanted to talk to you because you won’t talk to me.” Jinhwan stands with his back against the door, feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed with Junhwe just a few meters away.

“Dude, I can’t guess what your problem is. Everything was fine and now you won’t even meet my eyes,” Junhwe argues. “Can’t you just tell me? Is this about Hyejin? Because I didn’t tell you how we met? I didn’t think you cared.” And it is about her, partially, but Jinhwan has enough common sense to know he shouldn’t say a thing before sorting himself out. Junhwe continues, “Is it about us? We both agreed we were just friends, so what’s really going on?”

And they did, it was the only thing they managed to get straight since the beginning. Just a friendly fuck, whatever that is. Then again, it had been a five word sentence and a quick yes while getting each other’s clothes off and being slightly intoxicated.

Donghyuk, like the blessing that he is, comes in the room then, pushing Jinhwan forward and away from the door.

“Oh. Hey, Junhwe,” he says, not catching the tension in the room.

“We’ll talk later,” Jinhwan says to Junhwe, though it’s mostly to get him to leave. He’s still nowhere near ready for it.

Junhwe doesn’t say anything, but his face is full of anger and frustration, something Jinhwan hasn’t seen directed at him in a long, long time. He leaves the room nonetheless, and Donghyuk looks at him and then at Jinhwan with total confusion.

Jinhwan is glad Donghyuk proceeds to get in bed without saying a word.

 

It only lasts until next morning. The first thing Donghyuk does when he notices Jinhwan is awake is ask what the fuck went down last night.

“Let me get my coffee first, then I need you to kick my ass straight.” Pun completely intended. “Want some?”

“Yes, it sounds like I’m going to need it.”

“So,” Jinhwan starts once he gets back, sitting on his bed while Donghyuk slips his coffee on his. “I’ve been having sex with Junhwe.” No point in sugar coating it.

“I’m aware,” Donghyuk answers.

“God, I forget it’s fucking impossible to have some privacy in this place.”

Donghyuk laughs at that. “And it sucks, but it’s not always a bad thing.”

“Well, long story short, he dumped me for a girl a month ago, or something like that, we actually agreed we were only messing around as friends. I guess I did it in the first place because I was lonely, but when I found out about this girl... I don’t know, I’ve been a mess since then. I tried talking with Jiwon–,” Donghyuk snorts at that, and Jinhwan can’t help but follow. “Yeah, yeah, it wasn’t a big help.” Donghyuk makes a sound prompting Jinhwan on. “We didn’t touch the subject again until the party last weekend– And, okay, you can’t tell this to anyone else, it’s not just some silly thing I don’t want people to know.” Donghyuk raises an eyebrow. “I asked Junhwe where he met her, Hyejin, and he told me she was with a group of friends who were fans of us.” Donghyuk’s calm face falls at that, completely perplexed. “But,” Jinhwan is fast to clarify. “He told me she didn’t know him, only her friends did, and that she’s of age. I believe him, that’s not the issue, not completely.”

Jinhwan stops for a second to give Donghyuk a chance to speak.

“Jinani, keep going.”

So Jinhwan does.

“I feel like he replaced me,” Jinhwan says, with such sincerity it hits him like a ton of bricks, chest tightening.

He knew this. He knew, even if only subconsciously, that getting involved in any way meant letting himself be vulnerable, but he trusted Junhwe enough to know he wouldn’t do something like this. He was wrong, and it crushes his heart to realize this is the core of all his hurt.

“Alright.” Donghyuk breathes deeply. “I can understand that. But you know it’s not like that, right? He’s still your friend, it’s not like he’s not talking to you. I mean,” Donghyuk says, using that voice of his when’s trying to scold someone but doesn’t want to be mean about it. “He did try to talk to you last night.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to talk to him.” Jinhwan’s eyes are red. “I don’t want to do it now.”

“You don’t know what to say?”

“No fucking clue.” Donghyuk smiles sweetly and gestures for Jinhwan to sit next to him, which he does. Donghyuk pats his head a couple times and kisses his temple. “I’m going to wait for it to pass, once I get used to being on my own again I’ll feel better.”

Donghyuk cannot believe what he’s hearing.

“Jinhwan this isn’t going to get any better until you talk to him, it’s only going to get worse.” Jinhwan is pouting now, like the lost child that he is. “And say, even if you keep being the stubborn little shit that you are and it does go away, it’s always going to be the back of your mind, and sooner or later shit’s going to hit the fan. Try not to let it get to that point. Friendships require effort and communication, just like any other relationship.”

“You can be really scary when you want to,” is the only thing Jinhwan manages to say. “I just don’t get it. Why have sex with someone and suddenly stop if things are going well?”

“Jinan, for the love of God, why don’t you go and _ask_?” Jinhwan’s been pouting for so long his face is starting to hurt.

“I feel like I wasn’t enough for him.” Donghyuk stays silent. “And it doesn’t have to do with him being Junhwe, it’s the idea in general. You know I have issues with that.” Jinhwan smiles for lack of a better thing to do.

“I know, Jinan.” He really, really does. “But that’s not true, and it’s exactly what you need to tell Junhwe. Just– Talk to him, and tell Junhwe to be careful about this girl, if this gets out...”

“I know,” Jinhwan says. “I know.”

And that’s the end of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma be honest, its 4.30am rn and im drunk so i Hope this chapter and jinan's inner thoughts make sense. i'll edit any errors tomorrow when sober (bc for now i dont find any mistakes) i was just really excited about posting so please understand this chap is posted with the best intentions. thank u again for reading and if you feel like giving any feedback please do <3


	4. the talk

It’s been a while since Jinhwan went out with Jiwon and Hanbin alone. It brings back some memories, when it was just the three of them and they had no one else. Jinhwan has no words to express how glad he is it’s not like that anymore.

They have a couple of hours free between practices. Jiwon pulled Jinhwan aside right after and suggested going for coffee, also catching Hanbin by the neck before he could sneak back into the studio.

Hanbin and Jinhwan stay in line to buy their drinks while Jiwon saves them an empty table.

“I can't believe you still drink that,” Jiwon says pointing at Hanbin’s milkshake.

“What have milkshakes ever done to you?” he argues back.

“Have no coffee in them.”

“I'm pretty sure there's milkshakes with coffee,” Jinhwan jumps in.

“Well, then you could at least drink those and I wouldn't mind as much,” Jiwon says.

Hanbin looks offended now. “I don't like coffee.”

“That is your biggest flaw,” Jiwon finishes, like he just handed Hanbin a lifetime sentence.

“Don't take it personally, he's just grumpy,” Jinhwan says at Hanbin's pouty face.

There's no sun today, the sky is grey with clouds and the threat of rain. Jinhwan isn't a big fan of the cold, it drains his energy and doesn't make it any easier to get out of his warm bed. The rest of them feel pretty much the same way.

The hot coffee between his fingers helps, caffeine working through his system and getting rid of the rest of the side effects from the weather.

“We should buy a kick ass coffee spending machine when we debut,” Jinhwan says.

“Talking about debut,” Hanbin starts, and an echo of groans follow, because a sentence starting with those words can only mean one thing. “I have the next schedule written down if you guys want it.”

“We don't,” Jiwon answers before Hanbin can get another word in.

It has nothing to do with having things to do; they're thankful beyond words to have places to be and activities to fill – a schedule means activity, means exposure, means promotion, means debuting – but said schedules usually mean waking up around 7AM and, idol or not, no one likes that.

“Just make it fast and painless,” Jinhwan says like it's the end of the world. His favorite thing right after singing is being dramatic.

“God. It's not even that bad, stop acting like children,” Hanbin reprimands them. “We just have a couple photoshoots next week, some changes in the practice times and a magazine interview. Management told me there's more but none of it is confirmed yet. I'll let you know when I know more.”

Jinhwan and Bobby nod, joking aside, and finish their drinks while Hanbin tries to clean the inside of his milkshake cup with his tongue. Bobby smirks and throws him a look, though Jinhwan doesn't catch it, too occupied with his own coffee.

“Let’s go back,” Hanbin says. “We still have hours of practice.”

 

Jinhwan is left exhausted. It’s a welcome feeling after so many days of partying and leisure, the aching in his bones feels like accomplishment and time well spent.

This new choreography is slightly harder than usual, fast movements and two many formations. Donghyuk suggested they do something more heavy, monthly evaluation quality even though it’s a casual practice, and Hanbin agreed.

“Jinan,” Hanbin says. “You’re teaming up with Junhwe for this part.”

They nod and stand in position next to each other while Hanbin goes through the steps with them.

They haven’t been too awkward with each other, they’re not talking but there’s been no issue in teamwork, and if the rest noticed the tension between them it hasn’t been serious enough to get brought up.

But they’re running out of time. Jinhwan has been thinking a lot about what Donghyuk said and he knows he’s right, even if he managed to get it over by himself there’s been too many questions asked and too many arguments to just let them slip by and be forgotten.

They will talk, finish saying whatever it is they need to say to each other, and then Jinhwan will give himself enough time and space to come to terms with the situation. They are going to talk. At some point.

“Try it and let’s see how it goes,” Hanbin says, done with the demonstration.

Junhwe has to partly kneel down so Jinhwan can jump against his thigh and land on the floor, they’ve done harder stuff but it’ll still take some time to perfect it. Donghyuk holds Jinhwan’s arm while they get their positions right, and of course Junhwe can’t let the opportunity pass to tease Jinhwan.

“Okay, but shouldn’t I jump on Jinhwan’s thigh? Can he even jump high enough to reach?”

“That’s because if you jumped on Jinan he’d die crushed,” Donghyuk says, way too serious.

“Shut up,” Jinhwan interrupts faking offense. “Both of you, or I’ll bite your ankles to death.”

It takes some trials and errors until Junhwe can get the angle of his thigh right, and some more time for Jinhwan to jump with enough strength not to fall down in the middle, but soon enough they have the basics down and just need to polish it. Donghyuk leaves then, still having his own part to learn.

It goes fine, for a while, until they need to work on Jinhwan’s landing and it starts getting more difficult. He can’t quite move his body the way he needs to, so he falls down more often than not and Junhwe has to keep on catching him before he hurts himself.

It’s not a big deal, but Jinhwan is getting fidgety with each passing minute, Junhwe too close and his hands too warm. It goes on and on and on and it’s not helping Jinhwan focus.

“It’s okay,” he says, maybe a bit too roughly, after a particularly bad jump. “You don’t need to grab me each time.”

“You’re going to get hurt, you keep falling down.” Junhwe takes a step back, it’s not like he hasn’t noticed he’s getting in Jinhwan’s personal space again after a long time.

“It’s fine. Let’s do it again.”

Jinhwan falls next, obviously, and though Junhwe goes to catch him anyway he isn’t fast enough. Jinhwan lands down hard, leg bent under him and a dry sound echoing through the room.

“Shit, are you okay?” Junhwe asks grabbing Jinhwan’s arm to help him up.

Jinhwan shakes him off too violently, frustrated and annoyed, getting up on his own. “I don’t need your help.”

The room goes silent, the rest looking at them worried but still curious and making no move to interfere. Junhwe is almost rolling his eyes, hands up and stepping away.

“Jinani, it’s fine,” Donghyuk says, the exception, the angel. “You’ll get it right in no time.”

Now Hanbin is side-eyeing them. Jinhwan’s always been fast at learning the choreographies and he’s not known for getting frustrated easily, none of them are, so it’s no surprise he can tell something is up.

“You two,” he tells them, voice hard. “Keep going.” But then Junhwe reaches for Jinhwan and he bats him away once more. “Jesus Christ.” Hanbin walks up to them, and Jinhwan thinks it was a miracle this didn’t happen sooner. “I don’t care about whatever issue it is you’re having outside of this practice room, but the second it gets in the way it becomes my problem, too, and I have too many of those to worry about you two being stupid.” Hanbin isn’t yelling, he doesn’t do yelling, but his tone is so harsh Jinhwan can’t look him in the eye. “So you better fix whatever this is.” He makes a gesture with his finger. “And you better fix it now. You’re not leaving this room until you get the choreography down. I want that step to be perfect by the time I leave.”

Hanbin goes back to the other side of the room, step firm, and shouts at everyone to keep practicing. 

They get it right in no time, not exchanging one word more than necessary.

 

Vocal practice is first thing in the morning, and with the debut right around the corner they spend their day from practice to the recording room until late afternoon. It helps Jinhwan clear his head, and once back in the dorm he heads straight to Junhwe’s room.

The door is open and Junhwe is lying on the floor face up, legs propped up on his bed.

“What are you doing?” Jinhwan asks perplexed. He meant to be serious about this, go in and knock and wait for Junhwe to open up, ask if they could talk, set a mature mood.

“Oh,” Junhwe says as an answer. “Lying down.” He sits up then and Jinhwan takes it as an invitation.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey.”

Jinhwan sits in front of Junhwe, legs crossed just like him. He’s been thinking way too much about how and what to say and, though he knew once it was the time he wouldn’t know what to say, it still puzzles him. Jinhwan looks down, feels Junhwe’s stare and takes a deep breath before lifting his head up.

“First of all, I’m sorry,” he starts.

Junhwe answers way too fast. “No, don’t apologize. I fucked up, too. I should’ve told you sooner.”

They stay silent after that. A part of Jinhwan thinks this is enough; they apologized and worked it out. But he’s so close to coming clean he pushes through it to say what he’s been meaning to say.

Still, Junhwe is the first to speak. “I should’ve told you, so I don’t really blame you for being mad. I didn’t know how to go about it without making a big deal out of our thing. It was stupid of me, I felt too awkward and I let it slip instead. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, Jinan.”

The nickname warms Jinhwan’s body. His hands don’t stop shaking completely, but he can feel the air in his lungs again.

“I don’t know why it bothered me so much,” he lies. Jinhwan already worked out why he’s been upset all this time, but before admitting to anything he needs to get the message right. “It was really sudden. I think I just need some time to readjust, not because you did something wrong,” he’s quick to explain. “You can do whatever you want. If you say she wasn’t a fan and stuff, then I believe you.” Jinhwan looks into Junhwe’s eyes only to avert them right after, scared he’ll reveal more than he wants to. “And I know you didn’t–” A pause. “I couldn’t stop thinking I wasn’t good enough.” Jinhwan gulps. “It’s not rational but that’s how I felt, that’s why I’ve been so upset.”

“Jinan–”

“It’s not your fault.” Their eyes meet and this time don’t tear apart. “The mix of everything that happened wasn’t ideal, but I know what’s wrong now,” Jinhwan confesses. “You’re my best friend, man. And as long as things are fine between us, then nothing else matters.”

Junhwe’s fists clench for a second, but right after a slow, gentle smile grows in his face. It burns Jinhwan’s skin and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“God, Jinani, just talk to me next time. I should’ve known better, but you didn’t make it any easier, either.”

Jinhwan laughs and so does Junhwe. “Yeah, yeah. I can be really good at that. So.” He takes a deep breath. “We good?”

“Always.” Junhwe pushes his shoulder playfully and Jinhwan mimics batting his arm away with a sarcastic sigh like he did in practice.

This is good. The tension between them isn’t there anymore and it still amazes Jinhwan how comfortable he can feel with Junhwe again just by apologizing, even after all that happened.

“And don’t be too jealous,” Junhwe says. “Your moans are still prettier.” Then he winks.

Jinhwan’s inside get set on fire, he barely stops himself from letting out a groan. He punches Junhwe and adds, “Asshole.” Junhwe laughs loudly, face scrunching up. “I hope you’re having fun with her, because you’re not getting me back any time soon.”

It’s not a lie. Jinhwan is surprised he’s not that bothered with the idea.

 

That night Chanwoo goes up to Jinhwan, looking nervous but mostly concerned.

“You doing okay?” He asks. “You’ve been looking down lately.”

Jinhwan smiles at him, getting on his tiptoes to ruffle Chanwoo’s hair. “Yes, I am. There’s nothing to worry about.” Jinhwan notices how his voice sounds way sweeter and calm than it has in weeks.

Chanwoo smiles back at him and grips Jinhwan’s shoulder in reassurance. “Good.”

“Good,” he says back.

The steady beat of his heart resounds in his ears and the weight on his shoulder disappears completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit short this time hope thats ok. if you find any mistakes please let me know, thank you for reading!! <3


	5. release

Things get way better in a day or two. Jinhwan didn’t realize how draining it was to avoid Junhwe until he didn't need to. There is a slight change between them but it's not oppressing, more like Junhwe's trying to make sure Jinhwan doesn't feel neglected.

Jinhwan still catches glimpses of Junhwe texting Hyejin every now and then, though his reaction to it is a little more like envy at Junhwe having someone, even if not really a girlfriend, rather than feeling left out. He’s dealing with that slowly but surely, and the extra attention from Junhwe helps even if sometimes it’s a little too much.

“I feel like you’re pitying me,” Jinhwan says as they’re hanging in his room, Jinhwan sitting in his desk and Junhwe on the bed, each doing their own thing. “Don’t get me wrong, I like you and everything, but I'm not a pity case.”

Junhwe opens his mouth, obvious frown on his face and about to argue until he looks at Jinhwan's smirk and realizes he's joking.

He rolls his eyes and keeps the game going. “Nothing is ever enough for you. I was flattered you wanted my dick but now I'm doubting myself.”

“Yeah, sorry to break it to you but I've had better.”

“Well, your dick is small anyway,” Junhwe answers with a smirk of his own.

Jinhwan throws a kick in his direction though there's no way he'd reach, but it gets the message across.

“Fuck you! No, it isn't,” he says. Then pauses and adds, “Is it?”

Junhwe starts laughing and Jinhwan follows.

They've been joking about sex a lot lately, Jinhwan would even call it flirting if it didn't involve more insults than anything else. His stomach feels weird every time, but he blames it on his recent celibate state.

“You didn't answer,” Jinhwan tells him.

Junhwe sighs. “You're hung, babe. Don't worry.”

Jinhwan bites his lower lip unconsciously, but Junhwe isn't looking at him anymore.

 

Their schedules get more packed as time goes by. What they thought was going to be one photoshoot turns into three in the same week, shootings for commercials, attending events and a lot of group meetings.

It feels amazing, doing all of this under the name of iKON. Debut gets closer and closer and though waking up in the early morning can be annoying, it's nothing more than that. It's no match against the happiness it brings them to know it's finally happening, that everything they went through was worth it.

This also means they have less time for practice, so Hanbin makes them train until late at night, most times until early morning. The sleep deprivation sucks but the adrenaline and excitement make up for it just fine.

It’s way past midnight when Hanbin comes back to the practice room after an emergency meeting. He left the team practicing until he came back, and they did, but not for long. Fifteen minutes after Hanbin stepped out one by one everyone started sitting down or lying on the floor complaining and never got up.

When Hanbin opens the door everybody stands up instantly, but the second Jinhwan sees the giant smile in Hanbin’s face he can tell they all could’ve fallen asleep and Hanbin would not have cared.

“Guys,” he says. “Guys, guys, guys.” His grin is so big, his face red and breathing hard Jinhwan has no doubt he ran to get here.

“Okay, what is it?” Junhwe says. “I don’t know if I should be excited or worried.”

“It’s good. It’s really good.” Everyone is standing around Hanbin now, telling him to spit it out already. And he does. “Pre-release track. We have the song and date for the release.”

There’s a millisecond of silence before Jiwon makes a move, he jumps on top of Hanbin and next thing the room is filled with cheers and screaming and hugs and Jinhwan has never felt so fulfilled in his entire life.

“Oh my God,” Jiwon says once he’s back on the floor. “We are so drinking to this. We are so getting drunk to this.”

“What?” Hanbin interrupts. “No way, we have to practice, we can't–”

“Shut the fuck up, man,” Junhwe says. In any other situation he wouldn't have dared to speak back to Hanbin, but not this time. Hanbin does frown, but everyone's talking on top of each other so excitedly he can't help but smile and let it pass.

 

Like any group of teenagers who live around adults, there's a hidden stash of alcohol in almost every room, bought and stored by each of them. Hanbin’s not really interested, never is, and he’d much rather spend the night and early morning working on the pre-release track and everything it entails. He stops complaining when he realizes no one can stop talking about it and he’ll get some work done anyway.

Once they get back to the dorm they split around the house; Bobby gets the speakers and music ready, Donghyuk and Yunhyeong clear the living room, Hanbin does his own thing and gets a notebook to brainstorm ideas and the rest take care of the alcohol.

Bobby plays Michael Jackson, Junhwe’s request, and they settle down on the floor, coffee table decorated with soju, vodka, and juice bottles.

“Firstly, let us do a toast,” Jinhwan says as Yunhyeong mixes the drinks. “Because it’s finally fucking happening.”

Chanwoo starts banging on the table and, like the bunch of animals they are, the rest follow along.

“Calm down!” Yunhyeong has to yell while trying to stop the glasses from spilling, but it only makes everyone bang the table harder.

“Okay, enough,” Hanbin says, leader voice back on. He raises his glass on the air gesturing for everyone to do the same. “This is what we’ve been working our asses off for years.” With drinks in the air, everyone cheers and woos. “And we can’t rush through it. We need to appreciate each day from now on, even more than we did before, like the blessing that it is.” Jinhwan and Jiwon start to tear up. “We deserve this–” Yunhyeong and Donghyuk let out a scream. Chanwoo plays the table like a drum roll. “We fought for it, we went through the roughest times. All of it was worth it; now it’s our turn to seize it and make the whole wide world ours. So let’s take it slow, let’s last real long. And let’s kick ass.”

The dorm is filled with screaming, yelling, cheers, their glasses clink so hard the coffee table ends up soaked. They down the alcohol like it’s water, though Hanbin only takes a couple sips.

Jinhwan can’t help the tears and Junhwe, who’s sitting next to him, wraps an arm around him, softly kisses his head. “I want to say something, too,” Jinhwan says. “I wanted to thank you–” Jinhwan chokes on the word. “I don’t know where I’d be without you guys...” They whistle at him, Chanwoo lets out a weird noise. “I’m so happy and I couldn’t ask for better friends to share this with.”

“Dude, are you drunk already? You’ve only drank half a glass!” Jiwon makes fun of him. Junhwe ruffles Jinhwan’s hair way too hard.

“You’re such a crybaby,” Yunhyeong says as he throws himself on top of Jinhwan. Of course, the rest don’t waste a beat on doing the same, and Jinhwan lets out a series of yelps as he gets jokingly punched by his friends.

The night goes on, all laughs, tears forgotten. Jinhwan can’t remember the last time they felt such happiness without the pressure weighting them down. 

They share stories, the funniest ones told by Jiwon from back in the day when only he, Hanbin and Jinhwan were trainees. They talk about WIN and Mix and Match, this time laughing about it, because it’s only a bad memory and they can appreciate the good things it brought them.

“We should play Never Have I Ever,” Junhwe says, and the rest nod in agreement.

“No way,” Hanbin answers, always the killjoy. “I’m not drinking more.” A chorus of groans and complains follow. “And Chanwoo can’t drink either.” Chanwoo whines at that.

“You can pour your own,” Donghyuk tells him. “As light as you want them. Make an exception. Chanwoo, that goes for you, too. But I’m pouring your shots.”

“Deal.”

“Hanbiiiiin, c’moooon,” Jinhwan slurs when he realizes Hanbin isn’t going to give up that easily. Jinhwan’s been drinking way faster than the rest and it shows.

“I’m on his side, but someone take the soju away from Jinan,” Yunhyeong laughs.

It takes some convincing and bribing but Hanbin finally agrees, and once every glass shots is full to the top Jiwon offers to start the game.

“Never have I ever...” He pauses for the suspense. “...Wanted to fuck a back-up dancer,” he asks almost at the same time he gulps down his shot. Then, Donghyuk and Chanwoo drink theirs.

“Ohhhhh my God,” half the room screams.

“Maknae!?” Junhwe screams, and wooing ensues.

“Shut up,” he says. “Did you want me to lie?”

“I don’t know, man. I think I was better off not knowing.”

Chanwoo shoves him, though he needs to bend over the table to reach.

“I see we’re diving right into the sex questions,” Jinhwan says.

“Well, yeah. No point in delaying it,” Jiwon answers.

Hanbin makes a pout. “You’re all dirty assholes.”

“You’re just jealous you’re gonna get to drink at all,” Chanwoo says.

“It’s not like that!”

“Whatever,” Yunhyeong interrupts before Hanbin makes a speech out of it. “I’ll go. Never have I ever...” Jinhwan can tell the suspense sentences are going to be a trend tonight. “... Seen a girl in a bra.”

“That’s so basic,” Junhwe says and drinks, just like the rest of the room minus Hanbin and Jinhwan. A burning acid fills Jinhwan's stomach, but he blames it on the alcohol.

“What? Really? What the fuck,” Hanbin says, glass still full.

“You’re such a virgin, man!” Jiwon makes fun of him, though Jinhwan catches the wink and smirk directed at Hanbin. It makes Hanbin look down at the floor, silly smile spreading through his features.

Junhwe clears his throat before saying, “Okay, okay, my turn. Let me think.” He rubs his chin looking ridiculous. “Never have I ever gotten a blowjob in a bathroom stall.” He drinks his shot, and so do Jiwon and Yunhyeong.

“Okay, can I just drink for the sake of it?” Hanbin says.

“I thought you didn’t want to drink?” Donghyuk asks him.

“Well, now I feel left out so fuck it.” It makes them all laugh and Chanwoo makes a gesture for him to down his shot. “I want to go next. Never have I ever,” he pauses. “Gotten a hickey on a public space.”

Jiwon bursts out laughing, and Jinhwan can tell it’s because he’s the reason why Hanbin gets to drink. Then follows a chorus of yells, all making fun of Hanbin. He doesn’t even bother to tell them to shut up.

This time all the shots are empty.

An hour goes by in a rush. Hanbin is fucking wasted. Jinhwan knew he was drinking too fast but thought it was better not to tell him. It’s not like he’s much better. Junhwe's hand is lying on Jinhwan's thigh, the alcohol fucking up their balance and every time they laugh they lean on each other, Junhwe's hand moving higher.

Never Have I Ever has been forgotten for some time now, instead they’re talking nonsense and stomachs are aching at the lose of breath from giggling.

“Okay,” Hanbin says. “I think I’m drunk?” As if it’s a question.

“You think?” Donghyuk snorts more than laughs.

Before they realize it it’s 3AM and Hanbin is having trouble sitting upright. The rest aren’t much better, lying on the floor or against the couch. Junhwe’s rocking side to side and singing, more like slurring, some song completely off-key.

“Okay, drunks,” Jiwon says as he gets up. “It’s time for bed.”

“You have no right to call us drunks,” Jinhwan tells him, voice high-pitched. “You’re as drunk as the rest. And Chanwoo doesn’t count!” He adds before he can use it against him. Chanwoo rolls his eyes at him.

“I do have more coordination than all of you together. Now lets hit the sack.” Jinhwan can’t argue against that.

Donghyuk throws himself across and tells them, “Don’t even move me, I’m crashing here.”

“Same here.” Yunhyeong says as he lies down on the floor, arm as a pillow.

Chanwoo wishes them goodnight before he leaves and Jiwon helps Hanbin stand up, carrying him to their room by the arm.

Junhwe and Jinhwan get up, but before Junhwe gets too far Jinhwan pulls him inside his room.

“I don’t want to sleep yet,” Jinhwan says after closing the door. Junhwe smirks back at him.

“That’s fine with me.”

Jinhwan sits down on his bed and Junhwe follows.

“Can’t believe it’s finally happening,” Jinhwan sighs. “We’ve waited so long I can’t help but feel it’s an empty promise.”

“It’s not,” Junhwe answers. He settles against the wall, close enough to Jinhwan so he can lean on his shoulder.

“Mmh,” Jinhwan mumbles sleepily. Junhwe stretches his arm behind him, and Jinhwan buries himself in his warmth.

A bang against a door from across the hall breaks the peaceful silence, making Jinhwan snap his eyes open. He doesn't move, though, too comfortable to care.

“Who died now,” Junhwe says like it's a fact.

Then there's a high-pitched moan and someone shushing right after.

“Was that–” Jinhwan tries to say before another moan interrupts him. This time, Jiwon's voice is clearly telling Hanbin to shut up. “Oh, man. Fucking finally we’ll stop hearing Hanbin complain about being a virgin.”

Jinhwan can't help but laugh, still drunk, at Junhwe's comment. “Let the guy have some fun.”

Junhwe looks at him with a raised brow, Jinhwan smiles and gets more comfortable against him. “You knew about this?”

“Yep,” he answers, eyes closed again.

“Why am I always the last one to find out wha–” They hear Hanbin groaning from his room, which quickly turns into another breathy moan. “Jesus fuck. Shut the fuck up, man!” Junhwe screams loud enough for the entire dorm to hear with no remorse; Hanbin is being way louder.

“Sorry, my fault!” Jiwon screams back, voice full of pride.

Jinhwan needs to sit up with how hard he's laughing and it quickly spreads into Junhwe. It takes them some time to breathe normally again, and Jinhwan throws himself back into Junhwe's arms.

The whole situation is hilarious, but now Jinhwan can't stop thinking Hanbin’s probably getting fucked hard in the next room.

His head spins faster each time he closes his eyes, Junhwe feels solid against him, hot as he circles his fingers on Jinhwan's side through his clothes. Junhwe giggles quietly each time he catches any noise from outside, slowly touching Jinhwan more, then he goes quiet and carefully lifts Jinhwan's shirt until they're skin on skin.

Jinhwan realizes he's been waiting for this the whole night but he never thought it would happen. Having Junhwe's directly against him again makes him gasp in silence.

Junhwe's breaths deepen, tracing Jinhwan so, so softly it almost tickles. Jinhwan grips the front of Junhwe's shirt, thoughts swimming in alcohol and drunk on Junhwe's touch.

Jinhwan says so quietly Junhwe only hears him because it's deep into the night, “I missed your skin.”

Something snaps. Junhwe gets a hold of Jinhwan's body and manhandles him until he's on his back, Junhwe straddling him and going straight to his neck.

Junhwe is starving and Jinhwan doesn't mind his hunger one bit.

Jinhwan is quick to lock his legs behind Junhwe's back, raising his lower body on instinct. Junhwe slides open palms down Jinhwan’s body, grabs his ass and lifts his hips until they’re pressed together. Jinhwan groans, voice sweet like honey, and Junhwe bites him in return so hard it makes Jinhwan whimper.

Junhwe grinds their hips roughly until Jinhwan is fully lying down again. Jinhwan’s neck is starting to hurt a bit too much and he has to grab Junhwe’s own to push him away. It's Junhwe's turn to groan, eyes closed and tilting his head so Jinhwan can get a better grip.

“Bet you can't get what you really want when you fuck those girls,” Jinhwan says. He knows which buttons to press to melt Junhwe and knows exactly what to say to get him riled up enough so Junhwe gets rough, just how he likes it.

“Shut up,” Junhwe answers. He forces Jinhwan's hand above his head, pressing down with enough strength Jinhwan can't move. All he needs to do is tell Junhwe to stop if it gets too much, but this is far from it.

Junhwe grinds deep and slow against Jinhwan's dick, smirking as he feels him getting hard through his jeans.

Jinhwan holds back a moan and Junhwe's reaction is instant. “Don't,” he says, breath warm in his ear. “I want to hear you.”

Jinhwan whines. “Touch me and I'll be as loud as you want me to be.” He threads his fingers through Junhwe's hair before pulling.

Junhwe is fast to take Jinhwan's shirt off, then Jinhwan returns the favor, sits upright with Junhwe on his lap and presses wet kisses across his chest. Jinhwan sucks on Junhwe's nipple while staring into his eyes, how his mouth is hanging open and his eyelids drop, still grinding his hips down.

Junhwe bites his own lip before pushing Jinhwan away from his skin to slowly slide his hands down his body, too slowly. He's staring at Jinhwan almost transfixed, touch soft and delicate. Jinhwan's always been on the rough sex side, but Junhwe looks so beautiful Jinhwan thinks he wouldn't mind spending the night just like this.

Junhwe finally reaches his pants and everything goes back to pure lust. As Jinhwan sneaks his fingers under the back of Junhwe's jeans to grope his ass, Junhwe undoes Jinhwan's fly, then licks his palm and gets a hold of his cock. His hand feels warm. Jinhwan thrusts up and Junhwe grips him tighter before stroking.

They're just staring at each other and Jinhwan can't take his eyes away from Junhwe's lips. They've never really kissed, not like Jinhwan wants to kiss him right now. So far it's always been biting lips, mouths so rough with each other Jinhwan can't really call it a kiss. This time, Jinhwan wants to taste Junhwe's tongue on his own, slow and tender.

But he doesn't, instead works Junhwe's pants open, spits on his palm and touches him just like he's doing. He curls his other hand around Junhwe's neck, pushes him forward to catch his lower lip between his teeth before sucking and pressing his tongue against it.

Junhwe pushes Jinhwan down on his back again and undresses him fast, then takes off his own clothes. Jinhwan spreads his legs so Junhwe fits between them.

“Do you want me to touch you?” Junhwe asks, hands on either side of Jinhwan’s head. Jinhwan is so overwhelmed he can only nod. “Use your words.”

“Touch me, asshole.” Talking back is a really bad idea, but deep down it's exactly what he wants.

Junhwe moves back, widening the space between their bodies, no contact at all, and Jinhwan curses himself. Then Junhwe is shoving two fingers inside Jinhwan's mouth. “Get them wet,” he says, and Jinhwan complies.

He grabs Junhwe by the wrist with both hands to make it easier, sucks him in. Junhwe plays inside him, diving deep down his throat and pulling back right before he chokes, then stretches his fingers open so Jinhwan can slip his tongue between them.

After he takes his hand out he goes straight to Jinhwan's cock, teasing only the tip with the wet digits. Jinhwan is sensitive and he bucks up on reflex. Junhwe pins him down with a hand on his hip and keeps going, gets a hold of Jinhwan’s head and presses down with his thumb.

“Junhwe, fuck. Please touch me.” Junhwe spits on his hand and strokes, slow, not nearly enough. Jinhwan's cock is glimmery with saliva, pink, and burning red at the tip. “I want your mouth on my cock.”

“Not tonight, baby,” Junhwe answers and starts pumping him fast, the contrast making it hurt the tiniest bit but just enough.

“Jesus, _fuck_.” Jinhwan motions, as best as he can, for Junhwe to get closer and Junhwe can't resist. As soon as he's in reach Jinhwan quickly gets his own hand wet again and strokes Junhwe's unattended cock just as fast.

Junhwe slowly leans over Jinhwan's neck, hips fucking into his hand. “I'm going to fuck you so good next time,” he says.

The implication this can happen again gets Jinhwan riled up, moaning low in his throat and chanting, “Yes, yes, yeah. Want it so bad.” Junhwe presses down on his tip on the upper stroke, hard how he knows Jinhwan likes it, and Jinhwan comes over his own chest and Junhwe’s hand, arching his back and letting out high-pitched gasps until he’s left empty.

Junhwe wraps his hand around his own cock on top of Jinhwan’s hand, which stopped moving mid-orgasm, and laces their fingers together, setting his own pace while Jinhwan grips him tighter and strokes over his head.

“Come on me,” Jinhwan says. 

Junhwe groans once, twice, and then does, making an even bigger mess of Jinhwan’s body. He angles his cock to cover more of Jinhwan’s chest, making him whine.

Junhwe waits until he catches his breath enough to say, “Next time I’m coming in your mouth.” And Jinhwan answers him with a smirk.

After a second Junhwe sits upright, watching Jinhwan lightly caress the pads of his fingers through his chest. “You are dirty,” he tells him.

“But you like it.”

Junhwe leans down, pressing kisses across him and tasting them both. “I do.”

Jinhwan giggles, body shaking with how relaxed he is, and Junhwe drops next to him, silly smile on his face.

They stay silent for who knows how long, until Jinhwan has enough strength to stand up and go get himself cleaned up. Junhwe asks him if he wants help, but Jinhwan tells him there’s no need, though Junhwe gets up anyway to wash his own hands before he falls asleep on the bed.

“I’m gonna go crash. I’m beat,” Junhwe says once they’re back in Jinhwan’s room and starts gathering his clothes from the floor.

“Stay the night,” Jinhwan asks, tone shy. Junhwe can’t remember the last time he sounded like this, at least while talking to Junhwe.

“Okay,” he answers as he puts his boxers back on. “As friends, right?” He smirks, and Jinhwan wants to punch him for making fun of their first time together. Something ugly grows inside his chest, and Jinhwan closes his eyes before Junhwe can get a read of his face.

Nonetheless, Junhwe lies next to him, holds him against his body. Jinhwan falls asleep almost instantly and misses Junhwe’s sad eyes as he stares down at him, fingers slowly caressing Jinhwan’s cheek and breathing him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would appreciate any constructive criticism, and as always thank you for reading <3 hope this was worth the wait
> 
>  **edit** : i just saw the story hit 100 kudos and 1000+ hits thank you all so much im in tears ;;;;;


	6. the photoshoot

The fog that had been clouding Jinhwan’s mind almost completely dissipates the next day. This time he’s more aware of his own actions; the way he stares, orbits around Junhwe when he’s in the room, how he seeks him out when he’s not.

It's a different kind of problem. They started as friends, added the benefits, then things got unnecessarily messy. And Jinhwan is glad things are fine now, he is, but maybe last night wasn’t the best idea– It cleared up a lot of things in his head but added more questions than answers.

For one, Hyejin wasn’t the problem, not exactly, and neither was the loneliness by itself. Maybe Jinhwan is a bit in too deep. At least things make sense now– why he felt so left out, why he felt so unneeded. One of his closest friends having a someone, plus it being Junhwe, was a big, gross mix. Had he realized this sooner maybe it wouldn’t have been so hard to understand what was really going on.

He wants to be around Junhwe in a way he didn’t realize he wanted to until now. He feels fuller when he’s with him, and a part of him feels empty when he isn’t. So, yeah, maybe Jinhwan likes Junhwe a little bit more than just as a friend, but there’s not much he can do about it at this point.

So, just like before, he’ll take what he can get.

Junhwe made sure they knew where they stood with each other from the beginning, and Jinhwan does nothing but admire him for it. He’s not good with that kind of thing and, had it been up to him, he would’ve never thought setting boundaries was needed. Junhwe pointed out their shenanigans were only friendly and Jinhwan is very glad he did, or he might have read it the wrong way and fucked up things for good.

They’ll fuck some more if they feel like it, flirt like high schoolers if they want, but at the end of the day it’s nothing more than that. If given the chance Jinhwan would like to explore other options, but it’s good to know where they stand, what they can expect from each other, where to stop before they cross a line.

He’ll take what he can get– Junhwe’s moans and hot skin, warm breath, soft touches, wet tongues and a few orgasms, and also everything he’s always gotten– amazing company, stupid jokes, too many laughs and shared tears when needed.

It’ll be enough. It’ll have to be.

 

They have a date for the release of their song now, September 14th. Everything needs to be done before that, which means endless recordings and exhausting practice hours. They don’t have time to go out for coffee anymore, or play Overwatch, and definitely no energy to do anything but sleep the second they get back to the dorm. They’re worn out, tired, overworked, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

When they have the tiniest bit of energy left, and even when they don’t, Jinhwan and Junhwe hang out, either in each other rooms, the practice room or outside the dorm. They joke around like always, and Jinhwan can’t shake the smile off his face even hours after they part ways.

“Things got better and you never told me,” says Jiwon one day standing at Jinhwan’s door. Donghyuk isn’t back yet.

“Uh?”

“Junhwe.”

“Oh.”

They spent the whole day dividing the parts for the pre-release track. It wasn't as tiring as it was stressful so Jinhwan planned to catch up on sleep, but it seems like he owes Jiwon some updates.

“So?” Jiwon asks. He closes the door behind him and sits next to Jinhwan on the bed.

“Uh.” Jinhwan would very much rather not talk about this with anyone ever, but if there’s someone who deserves to know it’s Jiwon. “Yeah. Kind of.”

Jiwon raises an eyebrow. “Mind explaining?”

Jinhwan doesn't think he's come to terms with his situation enough to talk about it just yet but everything else is fair game. “We talked. I told him I was just feeling left out or whatever and  
he reassured me it wasn't like that.”

Jiwon grins big before saying, “That's good, man.”

“We fucked again, though.” And Jiwon’s expression shifts to puzzled. “More like got each other off, actually.”

“Uh, is that good or–”

“On the same night you fucked Hanbin,” Jinhwan retorts with a smirk. “Which you never told me about, either.” Because if Jiwon has the right to call him out for not saying anything, then so does Jinhwan.

“Yeah,” Jiwon answers. “I was going to tell you but I wasn’t too worried, figured you already knew.”

“You're an ass. I'm never telling you anything ever again,” Jinhwan pouts.

“You are so dramatic,” Jiwon says rolling his eyes. “You first, though. Is this a good thing? With Junhwe?”

“Well.” Jinhwan takes a second to figure out the right wording. It's not bad per se, but there's this whole new issue with maybe liking Junhwe that's definitely not good. He can't tell Jiwon though, at least for now, so he goes for the closest version of the truth. “The sex is good.”

“Better fucking be, for all the trouble it brought you,” Jiwon laughs. Jinhwan thinks he should be offended.

“Yeah. I mean, it was messy but I think I've got it under control.”

“You think?”

“The sex is worth it.” All of it is worth it.

“God, you're a mess.” They laugh at each other. Jiwon's situation is slightly less complicated but complicated nonetheless. It's good to have someone who gets it, though, and Jinhwan is glad it's Jiwon out of all people.

“Your turn,” Jinhwan prompts.

“Okay, so. Do you want the dirty details?”

“No, I do not.”

“Too bad, you're getting them anyway.” Jinhwan groans. “We talked the morning after once we were sober and we'll see where it goes, but it's definitely going somewhere. Hanbin worries he's too busy to be in a relationship or whatever, but that's bullshit.” Jinhwan interrupts to add a passing, _Typical_. Jiwon continues, “But I see his point, too. I think things should be fine if we stay the way we are and add kisses and sex to it, but who knows, we've never done this before.” Jiwon takes a pause to get more comfortable on the bed, he shoves Jinhwan aside and they both move to lie down next to each other.

Jinhwan looks at him with a grin spreading across his face. “Who would've thought that the great Kim Jiwon, the one night stands expert, would end up like this.”

“Fuck you. You're not any better.” He has no argument against that. “Going back to the sex,” he continues.

“Ugh, please don't. I don't want to know.”

Jiwon smirks and looks into Jinhwan's eyes for the sake of torturing him before saying, “He's ridiculously good at blowjobs, makes the cutest noises.” Jinhwan covers his ears and hums some random song to block Jiwon's voice. “Look at what he did!” Jinhwan hums louder, Jiwon lifts his shirt and shows him the hickeys trailing down his navel.

It’s cute how excited Jiwon is about him and Hanbin. Jinhwan really hopes it works out, but he can’t help be a little jealous at how quickly they figured out their relationship.

 

They have a photo shoot scheduled for late the next afternoon. The mood is laid-back and relaxed when they get in the van, Jiwon is busy with his phone and so is Hanbin, which is slightly suspicious, and Donghyuk, Yunhyeong and Chanwoo are chatting about some new drama they’ve been watching. Junhwe and Jinhwan are sitting at the far back side by side, without much to do. Junhwe keeps unlocking his phone just to lock it up again, trying to keep himself busy though it doesn’t look like it’s working.

The shooting place is huge, an entire apartment floor filled with cameras, lights and other equipment Jinhwan doesn’t know the name of. There's two doors on the side, a bathroom and a changing room that doubles as the styling area, which is where they head right after greeting the crew.

It’s a frenzy once they start shooting. The group pictures come first and they’re quite easy to get through and the solo shots are really professional, too. But as usual the real problem begins with the sub-unit photos. It’s easy to pull off silly group pictures, the chemistry between them is so good that whatever they do makes them look appealing, or sexy, or funny, but once they split it’s almost impossible to make their natural dumb personalities seem attractive.

The vocal line shoot goes as smoothly as it ever could. They hype each other up with the help of Jiwon and Hanbin, and according to the photographer they do a really nice job. But when it’s time for the rapper line to get their fix things start to get ridiculous.

Jiwon is an expert on making Hanbin laugh, but after the first couple dozen of photos they’re asked to do a more serious concept and only a third of those are worth photographing, let alone get published. Hanbin keeps cracking up for no apparent reason, though it’s obvious for the rest of the members that the memory of Jiwon making funny faces and throwing bad jokes some minutes before is the cause. Hanbin’s laugh is contagious enough everyone is in a good mood, but they still aren’t doing what the photographer wants them to.

They’ve been posing back to back so far, and it’s only thanks to Jiwon they get their shoot over with. Jiwon changes position, contradicting their instructions, and grabs Hanbin by the waist, hand resting on Hanbin’s lower back and looking at the camera seductively, though everybody catches the flirty look he throws Hanbin’s way first.

They look hot, hands wrapped around each other enough to set the mood but not too obvious to make the photographer aware of what’s really going on. Jinhwan and Junhwe exchange a look, completely aware the sensual atmosphere has everything to do with Jiwon and Hanbin being an item and not much to do with trying to pull off the concept of the photo shoot.

Hanbin has his dreamy face on during the whole thing, which isn’t unusual per se but it’s so much more intense this time around Jinhwan gets filled with warmth at seeing his friends so ridiculously into each other– Jiwon isn’t as bold as Hanbin when it comes to showing affection in public, but everyone who knows him enough can tell he’s just as hooked.

“They’re so cute,” Jinhwan says as he watches from the side with the rest of the members.

“They’re gay,” Junhwe retorts, as if there’s a difference.

Chanwoo is rolling his eyes and slowly backing away, more out of embarrassment than anything else. Then Yunhyeong yells, “Kiss already!” And the room explodes into giggles, Hanbin blushing and Jiwon laughing so hard his whole face scrunches up.

Jinhwan thought only he and Junhwe knew about them, but it’s clear everybody else found out on their own. It was never a real worry, but it’s good to know Jiwon and Hanbin dating isn’t a problem. Sex is one thing, an actual relationship is a completely different one. It doesn’t help matters inside Jinhwan’s head at all, though, and the rush of fake scenarios going through his mind leaves a bittersweet feeling in his gut. Sex with no extra strings attached is good nonetheless, it doesn’t look like he and Junhwe are going to become anything more than they already are. Jinhwan can deal with that no problem.

Okay, maybe not exactly, but he won’t let it affect him too bad. He’s learned his lesson.

It’s Junhwe and Jinhwan’s turn now. When they discussed the details of the photo shoot Jinhwan was surprised at the photographer’s skill to notice the chemistry between the members without even knowing them. Jiwon and Hanbin having a session for themselves made total sense, but Junhwe and Jinhwan, too? That wasn’t so common. When asked, the photographer answered Jinhwan and Junhwe seemed very in-tune, and she thought they could pull off some very good photos.

She wasn’t wrong.

Only after the stylists are done with them Jinhwan gets a proper good look at Junhwe. The tight white shirt wraps his body so nicely Jinhwan wants to get his hand on him on the spot.

They have props for their shoot. No one says anything but it's implicit their purpose is to mask the height difference. Junhwe smirks at him while eyeing the props, but before he can make any snarky comment Jinhwan tells him to shut up.

There's a ladder, among other things, decorated with stickers and graffiti, giving off a street vibe. Junhwe sits in one of the steps with Jinhwan standing in front, back to the camera and head turned over his shoulder, by the photographer's instructions.

Junhwe gets a hand around his thigh right under his ass and they share a look no one else catches. Apparently the photographer likes the idea, she tells them to keep the pose as she takes picture after picture.

Junhwe playfully smacks Jinhwan's leg a couple of times, makes him laugh way too much, and Jinhwan is having trouble breathing. Junhwe is being more touchy than usual, maybe Jinhwan isn't the only one feeling hot and bothered.

As they change poses for the next round of photos Junhwe quietly says, “Should we step up their game?” Junhwe sneaks a glance in Jiwon and Hanbin's direction, standing at the back with everyone else, and Jinhwan gets the message, dirty smirk spreading across his face.

They get maybe a little bit too handsy, but the photographer is loving it. Jinhwan sits on Junhwe's lap, Junhwe’s hand too close to Jinhwan's junk. They lie on the floor half on top of each other, Jinhwan sneaking a hand barely under Junhwe's collar. They pose front to front, using the height difference as part of the aesthetic – the giggles they hear in the background are ignored, too inversed in each other to care, faces close and stares locked.

By the end of the shoot Jinhwan needs a cold shower. Or a blowjob. Junhwe looks more composed, but Jinhwan knows he's just good at acting the part. He makes sure Junhwe notices him going to the bathroom and winks when they make eye contact before going in.

It's a single bathroom, which is to be expected since they're shooting in an apartment building, but Jinhwan didn't know it'd be this tight. There's barely any space for someone to comfortably stand up in front of the sink and when Junhwe pushes the door open, a little too roughly, Jinhwan needs to back up against the wall not to get crushed.

Junhwe realizes this instantly judging by the suggestive smirk he has as he stares at a cornered Jinhwan. He doesn't waste a beat before closing the door and occupying the little space left in front of Jinhwan.

They don't say anything, Jinhwan simply pushes himself forward and kisses Junhwe who kisses back eagerly.

Hot hands set on Jinhwan's hips, pressing him close to Junhwe's body then traveling down his ass before squeezing. Meanwhile Jinhwan gets his own hands around Junhwe's neck, nails scratching his nape.

“You look good,” Jinhwan tells him between kisses.

“Just good?” Junhwe presses him harder against the wall, slides his palm to his crotch and gropes. Jinhwan lets out a noise, eyes fluttering.

“Good enough I want to wrap my tongue around your dick,” Jinhwan says, tongue teasing Junhwe’s lower lip. They kiss again, all heat, as Junhwe palms Jinhwan’s dick through his jeans.

“That's better.” Junhwe gets his mouth on Jinhwan’s neck next, kissing hard enough for it to be felt but not enough to leave a mark.

Jinhwan rests his head against the wall, exposing his neck to make Junhwe’s job easier and sneaks his hands up Junhwe’s shirt, scratching lightly at his abs. Seconds later Jinhwan pushes Junhwe away to redirect him back to his mouth, then uses the hand under his shirt to encourage Junhwe’s palm against his crotch, pressing it tighter against him and thrusting.

Jinhwan needs more, but Junhwe seems content with just teasing. He breaks the kiss to say, “Touch me.”

“I’m already touching you,” Junhwe tells him with a mocking grin, squeezing his cock for emphasis. Jinhwan pleads with his eyes for Junhwe to at least get his hand under his jeans. “Wait 'til we get to the dorm,” Junhwe answers at Jinhwan's silent request. “I'd fuck you here but we can't have everyone hearing you scream.”

Then he's gone.

 

Junhwe makes sure to sit far from Jinhwan in the ride back to the dorm, puts his headphones on and pretends to sleep. Jinhwan is sitting in the same place as before, covering his hard-on with his phone as he tries to distract himself. If anyone notices his current state, they don’t make a big deal out of it.

 

They had plans once they were home, but unexpected schedules are very common now and they barely get to settle down before Hanbin sends them all to practice.

By the time they're done the exhaustion is so noticeable they don't need to say a word to know nothing else is happening today. This time Jinhwan goes to Junhwe's room while Jiwon and Hanbin are still finishing up in the studio.

“I'm so beat,” he says as he throws himself on the bed next to Junhwe, who's lying stretched out.

“I know.” They shift positions so they can both fit on the bed more comfortably. “I was really looking forward to your tongue wrapped around my dick, too,” Junhwe mocks.

Jinhwan rolls his eyes and throws a half-hearted smack in Junhwe's direction.

“Shut up. I'm the one who did the whole ride back home with a boner between my legs.”

“It's not my fault you're still a prepubescent kid.”

Jinhwan manages to sit up enough to actually punch Junhwe this time. “Fuck you.”

And Junhwe answers, “Yes, please.”

They both chuckle but go quiet soon after, enjoying the peace and good company.

“We should talk,” Junhwe starts.

Jinhwan saw this coming, lack of communication got them pretty fucked up last time and neither of them want to risk it happening again. Jinhwan doesn't have much to contribute, none of the things he'd like to try out are valid options, he'll just let Junhwe lead and agree to what he says.

“Yeah,” Jinhwan answers.

There's a long pause before Junhwe speaks again, or tries to, at least. He opens his mouth to say something but he only manages a sound before bursting into giggles.

Jinhwan follows right after, thankful for the interruption. There's no need to make this conversation any longer than it has to be and, after all, they're already aware of what the rules are, they just need to agree to them outloud.

“For a second I thought you were going to attempt a heart to heart conversation,” Jinhwan says, shaking with laughter.

“Oh, fuck off. I can pull off sensitive when I need to.” Jinhwan makes a face, not believing him for a second. “Anyway,” Junhwe says. “Just friends?”

“Just friends.”

“And I can still fuck Hyejin,” Junhwe states more than asks.

“You can fuck whoever you want,” Jinhwan reassures him. “As long as every now and then you fuck me, too,” he finishes with a smirk.

“I can definitely do that.”

Junhwe looks at Jinhwan for a second longer, encouraging him to add something if he wants to, but there's nothing else Jinhwan wants that Junhwe can give him.

Still, Jinhwan extends his arm, grabbing Junhwe's hand with his own and interlacing their fingers just so he can feel Junhwe’s skin against his one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so very very late i am sorry. im starting class next week and i have no idea if thats gonna make updates less frequent, we'll see. i also would like to know if the story is going okay or i should start wrapping it up, i like slow burn but if its getting Too slow please let me know i dont want it to get boring lmao
> 
> also! if you guys want to i can post an extra next time with the double b smut from last chapter. as always thank u so much for reading <333


	7. recording part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i said i wasn't sure if starting classes was gonna make updates less often? well you can probably guess the answer by the entire month it took me to update. i am So sorry it took me so long, and this chapter is even shorter than the first one. my girlfriend also stayed at my place for a week for our anniversary (two years yay!) so i didnt have the inspiration to write at all. i think making chapters really short but updating more often is better than taking entire weeks to write something worth posting, so im going to try my best to update with short chapters. again, im sorry for the delay and i hope to post more from now on, word count be dammed. thank you to everyone whos still giving this story a chance, im always open for constructive criticism or personal thoughts you might have. im really attached to this story so i will not drop it no matter how much it takes. i have a couple chapters planned out (junhwe's pov is getting closer!) so hopefully updates will be smoother from now on.

It's barely 7AM when the van finally takes off from the dorm. Jinhwan is weakly holding a half empty coffee cup on his lap, falling fast asleep with his head against the window. Yunhyeong, sitting next to him, notices Jinhwan’s coffee just in time to grab it and place it safely on the car’s cupholder before it gets spilled all over them.

They were warned today was going to be exhausting. First stop is their stylists place to get a makeover for the debut, then straight to filming the _My Type_ music video which was going to take the full day plus the next.

Jinhwan gets his hair dyed and cut, a weird yellow-y orange that suits him thanks to his delicate features. What they weren’t expecting was the dirty blond Junhwe ends up sporting, a bit too light in contrast to his skin tone, though his sharp angles help him pull it off a bit too well for Jinhwan’s peace of mind. Donghyuk gets a dark brown done but that’s about it, everybody else gets haircuts and natural colors.

From there it’s straight to the filming set– a wide skate park made of pure cement, helping the scorching sun wrap around their bodies like a tight, hot metal cage.

“Oh, no. Not under the sun,” Hanbin complains as soon as they get off the van.

“Dude, it's a park.” Yunhyeong says. “What were you expecting?”

“I don't know. A sunshade?”

Then the first thing they see is the filming crew, who were smart enough to set up a sunshade, much to Hanbin's content, and a big table filled with icy water bottles.

The stylists and makeup artists start working right away and it only takes them 20 minutes to finish, ready for filming after some touch ups.

Group shoots comes first, some pleasant joking around while sitting on the skate ramp and singing to the camera, easy stuff if it weren’t for the cement burning their asses. It’s a relief when they’re done and get to cover themselves under the shade.

“Is that a giant fan?” Jiwon asks, pointing at the distance. “I want me some of that.”

He asks the staff if it’s okay to use the fan for a little while, and after receiving a yes he runs towards it along with half the members. Jinhwan stays behind, comfortable with just the sunshade, and watches them have fun like the kids they are.

They take turns fanning each other, looking ridiculous and posing for the camera filming behind the scenes. Junhwe’s shirt, buttoned up like it is, creates the illusion of him being extremely ripped with the air blowing from underneath. Jinhwan is more than fine with soft tummies, but that look wouldn't be bad on Junhwe, though it'd need to be more natural.

“Aren’t you hot?” Junhwe asks Jinhwan once he’s done fooling around.

Jinhwan can’t help but smirk at the question, taking advantage of the double meaning. “I’m always hot.”

Junhwe chuckles and adds, “Good point. I know firsthand.”

Jinhwan laughs, mostly to try and calm the heat rushing through his spine.

 

Soon enough they’re in front of the cameras again, though this time there’s props and cheering along with them. A line of motorbikes, bikes, monocycles and skates are ready to be ridden around the park. It’s a nice change of pace, something more specific to do in front of the camera than stare and sing. They’re partly used to it, but it’s also completely new.

Hanbin rides with Jiwon on the bike, smiles so big you’d think they are at an amusement park instead of a filming set. Donghyuk tells Jinhwan he looks cute riding the mini bike, and Jinhwan totally knows he’s making fun of his height, so he throws a kick in his direction making him lose balance and almost fall. It’s all giggles and huge smiles for the rest of the day.

 

It’s way past midnight when they get back to the dorm, the neighborhood empty and quiet. Jinhwan wants to go straight to bed and sleep until the next century, or at least for as long as he can. Junhwe, however, has other plans. He holds him up in the living room with the excuse of wanting to talk while everybody else goes into their room– even Hanbin, who complains about being too tired to go work in the studio right before Jiwon tells him to shut up and drags him along. 

“What do you want?” Jinhwan asks Junhwe, who’s sneaking glances at the hallway and making sure no one’s around.

He smirks at Jinhwan and answers, “Nothing.” There’s mocking behind his tone, making Jinhwan raise a brow to prompt him on.

“Fine,” Jinhwan says turning around to leave with no actual intention of doing so.

It works. Junhwe quickly gets a hold of Jinhwan's wrist, only he thought Junhwe would try to keep him in the living room away from everyone else, instead Junhwe drags him to the bathroom, a danger zone at this time of night with five other guys who just got back from work.

But Jinhwan confirms Junhwe's intentions, because he already had some suspicions, once he's thrown against the closed bathroom door with Junhwe's arms caging him in.

They only stare at each other, a contest to see who's the weakest one and will cave in first, but they move at the same time, lips meeting midway.

From then on it's all rushed heat and a hint of desperation. Jinhwan would call it craving, missing each other's touch, but it’s been a long time since he’s known what Junhwe’s thinking.

Junhwe's hands grab Jinhwan's ass while Jinhwan's go straight to Junhwe's crotch, cupping him and grinding his hips at the same time with the force of Junhwe's body pressing against him.

Everything changed once Jinhwan realized his fling with Junhwe had become something else. He can't stand anything other than rough and fast, almost mindless sex anymore. He needs to detach himself before Junhwe makes the wrong move without realizing. And so, breaking the kiss and dropping to his knees seems like the best idea.

Junhwe gets his hands off instantly, mouth half open, pupils blown, staring as Jinhwan positions himself in front of his zipper and works his jeans open. A loud, shaky exhale encourages Jinhwan to drag Junhwe's underwear down to his ankles, and without looking up he grips the base of Junhwe's cock. He licks up to the head then around the shaft, half teasing half making time to salivate enough to suck him off.

Junhwe's breath hitches when Jinhwan's mouth finally wraps around his cock still not fully hard, though he's quickly working towards it.

“Fuck,” Junhwe lets out after Jinhwan quietly groans, feeling Junhwe getting hard against his tongue.

Jinhwan's free hand sneaks inside Junhwe's shirt, reaching his ribs and scratching lightly, teasing without pain. Junhwe grips Jinhwan's hair as revenge, pulling a little bit too hard for comfort. Jinhwan drinks it all in and it turns Jinhwan on so bad it makes him feel dirty and used, just how he needs it.

“You like that, don't you?” Junhwe states more than asks.

Jinhwan, mouth full with Junhwe's cock, answers a breathy, “Yes.” Then bobs his head up and down, disrupting whatever else Junhwe had to add. “I love it,” he adds, mostly to rile him up.

Jinhwan is blissed out on the feeling, basking in the musk, mix of sweat and natural smell of Junhwe's skin. The hand on Junhwe's ribs moves towards Jinhwan's own fly, zipping it down and stroking his own cock without preamble. His hand is dry but it's not painful enough to do anything about it, instead he deepthroats Junhwe's cock quickly over and over until Junhwe's hissing and grunting above him.

“Fuck, babe, you're eager tonight,” he says earning a hum from Jinhwan. “Lemme come on your face.”

Junhwe doesn't know how well he knows Jinhwan's needs, not only when it comes to sex, but Jinhwan doesn't plan on telling him any time soon. Jinhwan can't deal with more weapons against him.

Jinhwan takes his mouth off Junhwe, lips swollen and aching, saliva spread on his face, and closes his eyes, mouth slightly parted as Junhwe jerks himself off, the head of his cock roaming across his face.

“Next time I'm going to fuck you against the bathroom door.” Jinhwan answers him with a whine, feeling Junhwe's slick skin against his. “So fucking hard everyone will hear you.”

Junhwe comes on Jinhwan's lips, cheeks and everywhere else it can reach, leaving his long eyelashes sticky and eyes squinting.

Junhwe keeps going until left dry, panting heavy and licking his lower lip at the sight.

Jinhwan moves his hand on his cock faster, biting his cheek at the friction. “Fuck yes, come with my cum on your face,” Junhwe says and Jinhwan comes all over his jeans, hands and the floor.

The only sound around them is panting, the air hot and heavy around them and the stink of sex, sweat and cum. Jinhwan lets his head fall against the bathroom door, catching his breath.

“You were awfully chatty today,” Jinhwan says.

“Yeah,” he laughs. “Guess it was the excitement about filming.”

Jinhwan laughs and nods in agreement. Today made debuting three times more real. It helped him look at the bigger picture and take his mind off things, focus in the important part of it. 

But now that the day and the orgasms are over, Jinhwan only has one thought in his head. Only senseless sex can keep Jinhwan’s mind away from remembering the huge mistake he’s making. For the sake of his own heart, and iKON itself, this thing between them can't go on for much longer, but Jinhwan isn't ready to let go. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you sooo much and im so sorry for the delay <3 this wasn't beta'd at all so i'd appreciate pointing out any typos or grammar mistakes. have a nice weekend!


	8. extra: double b hook up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the double b smut i promised!! as always, any corrections/criticism is more than appreciated. a huge shout out to [glittermerm](http://archiveofourown.org/users/glittermerm/profile) for the beta. love u so much love

Jiwon works the door closed with Hanbin’s entire weight on top of him. Hanbin mumbling nonsense and complaints about drinking games.

“It’s not fair!” Hanbin whines. “I wanted to play too but I don’t have any stories.” He sounds so sad Jiwon would feel bad for him in any other context, but they’re drunk off their asses and Hanbin keeps complaining about being a virgin, which makes it hilarious. “Don’t laugh at me!” Hanbin says, but Jiwon can’t stop himself.

He lies Hanbin on the bed and, since he’s a gentleman, helps Hanbin take off his shoes and socks before taking care of his own.

“You okay?” Jiwon says. “You need to go to the bathroom?”

“I’m good,” he answers.

Jiwon maneuvers Hanbin so he’s lying on the bed. “You good?” He asks again.

“Yes. Stay with me,” Hanbin whines though Jiwon hasn’t moved an inch away.

A grin spreads through Jiwon’s face without his control. He says, “Sure.” Then lies down next to Hanbin and wraps an arm around his waist, face buried in the space between his neck and shoulder.

Hanbin snuggles closer and Jiwon doesn’t miss the not so subtle roll of Hanbin’s hips against his thigh or the shape of his cock through his sweatpants. Jiwon can’t blame him after spending the past two hours talking about sex, not to mention they’ve made out already and Jiwon’s tongue has tasted Hanbin’s skin, but Hanbin is in no shape to make conscious decisions, so Jiwon just holds him tighter and waits for him to fall asleep.

Hanbin, however, seems to have other plans. They’re lying on their sides, chest to chest, Hanbin’s hand traveling down and up Jiwon's back a couple times before lifting his shirt and touching his bare back.

“Bin,” he says. “Sleep.”

Hanbin lets out a whine that sounds like a moan. “I don’t wanna,” he complains.

“You’re too drunk, babe. Sleep.”

Jiwon realizes a millisecond later the pet name was a bad idea, given Hanbin’s high-pitched groan and the hard grind of his hips.

“Kimbap, please,” he says, and Jiwon needs to bite his lip and take a deep breath to try and control the heat building in his groin.

“Hanbin,” Jiwon says firmly. “Not now–” Hanbin rolls him on his back and gets on top before he can continue. His body is pressed so close Jiwon has no choice but kiss Hanbin back when his tongue sneaks through his lips.

“I want it so bad, Jiwon,” Hanbin says between kisses, then grinds down against him. Jiwon grinds back on instinct. “I trust you with this just as I’ve trusted you with everything else. I’ve never had the guts to ask until now.”

Jiwon moans into Hanbin’s mouth. “I don’t want you to do this only ‘cuz you’re drunk.”

Hanbin sits up then, crotch against Jiwon’s grinding hard without stopping, exaggerated breathy moans coming out of his mouth to rile Jiwon up. “I need you. So, so bad,” Hanbin says. “Even before drinking, before kissing you at the party.” Jiwon feels on fire. “I want this– _you_ , always have.”

Jiwon has been defeated. He doesn’t trust Hanbin’s actions when he’s not used to drinking this much, but he’s always trusted his words and this time is no different.

“Okay,” he says, hands traveling down Hanbin’s back and slipping under his soft shirt, feeling his hot skin. Hanbin's hands are wrapped around Jiwon's face so tenderly he'd think Hanbin was just feeling cuddly if not for the shallow thrusts of his cock against his.

Jiwon says, “Tell me what you want. Promise me you’ll tell me to stop as soon as you need to.” He reaches Hanbin’s nipples, caressing them with open palms before pinching, Hanbin moaning into his mouth.

“I promise.” Hanbin speaks with such sincerity, voice soft and so loving that Jiwon is overcome with a feeling completely different from lust. “Just– Touch me, please. Anywhere. Everywhere.”

And Jiwon does, one hand still on Hanbin’s nipple, the other one moving down until he reaches Hanbin’s sweatpants and feels his hard cock through the denim. “Where?” Jiwon asks as if he doesn’t know. “Here?” He grips tight leaving no doubt where he’s referring to.

Hanbin whines, voice so raspy Jiwon didn’t know he could pull off. “Yeah,” he answers, burying his face in Jiwon’s neck. “Yes. Yes, right there.” He sucks at Jiwon’s collarbone so hard it hurts, but Jiwon loves it just like that. Hanbin’s hands slip inside the back of Jiwon’s pants, grabbing his ass and groping shamelessly. Jiwon lifts his hips for easier access, Hanbin's hands freezing against his warm skin. It sends a shiver up his spine that threatens to turn into a moan, but Jiwon forces himself to be quiet, still not brave enough to let Hanbin hear him.

“Don't tease,” Hanbin whines.

“I'm doing exactly what you told me to do, babe.”

“No. That's–” Jiwon squeezes harder. “That's not–”

“Then what, Bin?” Jiwon asks. He starts rubbing Hanbin's cock, enough to feel it but nowhere near how Hanbin wants with the fabric in the way.

“I want you–” He starts. “To touch me.”

Jiwon could stare for hours at Hanbin’s blizzed out face but he’s also a sucker for doing whatever Hanbin wants to, so he asks, “Where?”

Hanbin gets a hold of Jiwon’s hand before answering, “Here.” And guides him under his boxers.

Jiwon feels Hanbin’s burning skin against his, making them hiss in unison, Hanbin’s voice quickly turning into a low moan and body shaking with the intensity of the sensation.

“You like that, baby?”

Jiwon is a pet name kind of guy and he hopes Hanbin is too, and though so far he's always seem okay with it, his reaction is still a surprise– his back arches and his whine is so high-pitched Jiwon feels his cock twitch and harden.

“So good,” Hanbin answers. His voice breaks halfway, eyebrows furrowed and open mouthed, hands moving to grip the sheets around Jiwon’s head.

“Woah,” Jiwon says. “Was it my hand on your cock or calling you baby that turned you on like that.”

Years of friendship has taught Jiwon that Hanbin has some issues with being explicit when it comes to sex, out of sheer shyness, and Jiwon is set on making him get over it.

Hanbin only manages a groan, breath getting faster as Jiwon's hand picks up speed. “Answer me or I'll stop.” He marks his last words with his hand doing just that, Hanbin's body squirming in search of friction.

“Both. It was both.”

“You like it when I call you baby?” He asks because there's no way he's letting the opportunity pass to tease Hanbin out of his mind.

Hanbin's answer is a whine, a complaint at the shameless answer he's supposed to give. Jiwon encourages him by starting to stroke his cock so slowly Hanbin makes pleading eyes at him, like Jiwon is that weak– and he is, most times. But right now he allows himself to be a little bit selfish, to tease Hanbin as much as he can and get the reactions he wants out of him. He raises a brow, making it known he’s not speeding up until Hanbin gives a straight answer.

“I–” Jiwon grips tighter around him so Hanbin knows he’s listening. “Yeah, I like it.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear, baby.” Hanbin bites his lower lip so hard it turns almost white, back arches into the touch, the tiniest moans coming out of his mouth.

Jiwon rolls them around, Hanbin’s back hitting the mattress so hard it can be heard all over the room. “I wanna suck you off now.”

A moan rips through Hanbin’s throat as Jiwon moves lower, face resting on Hanbin’s hip right next to his hand, moving faster and faster with each passing second. “You want that?”

“Yes– Fuck, yes. I do. I do, I do,” Hanbin answers, voice mellow and pleading. “Just get on with it already.”

Jiwon smirks before wetting his lips and then slowly, too slowly, licks a stripe from the base of Hanbin's cock to the head, wrapping his tongue and finally closing his mouth around it.

Hanbin shivers at the contact, hands flying to take Jiwon by the hair and pull, though not hard enough to get him off his dick. “Yeah,” he breathes out. “Just like that.”

Jiwon is a little bit in love with Hanbin and always has been, though it took him some time to realize it, but this is a first for them and Jiwon is overcome with the need and want to drive Hanbin crazy and purely making him feel good in a way only Jiwon can.

Jiwon soaks Hanbin's cock in his spit to make the slide as smooth as possible, then grips the base in his hand and squeezes lightly as he sucks on Hanbin's head. Hanbin's dick is hot and red and pumping– so hard on Jiwon's tongue he can't wait to feel it in his throat and choke on it. He takes Hanbin in deeper and deeper with each motion, relaxing his throat as quickly as he can and getting used to the feeling.

Jiwon slows down – Hanbin squirming under him almost out of control, moaning Jiwon's name and a dozen other incoherent words – to start deep throating him bit by bit.

Hanbin figures out seconds later what Jiwon is about to do. It hits the air out of him. “Jesus fuck– _Fuck_ ,” he says, breath leaving his lungs in one go. “Fuck yeah.”

Jiwon, voice muffled and awkward with Hanbin halfway down his throat, asks, “Feels good, babe?”

“Yes,” comes the instant answer. “That's so good. So good, you're amazing.”

Jiwon smirks and hums around Hanbin's cock, causing Hanbin to unconsciously arch his back and shove what was rest of his dick inside Jiwon's throat, properly choking him on it.

“Fuck. Fuck, I'm sorry,” Hanbin apologizes and checks on Jiwon automatically– but Jiwon keeps on bobbing his head and choking on Hanbin's cock on his own accord.

Hanbin starts shaking and hyperventilating instantly, muscles clenching and cock throbbing inside Jiwon's mouth.

Jiwon takes his mouth off Hanbin for a millisecond just to tell him, “C'mon baby, come in my mouth. Come for me.”

And Hanbin does, shuddering all through his orgasm as Jiwon sucks and licks around his head and jerks him off until Hanbin is left spent and oversensitive underneath him.

“Fuck,” Hanbin says once he's caught his breath.

Jiwon finishes cleaning Hanbin up with his tongue and throws himself next to Hanbin, both panting hard until Hanbin turns his head and kisses Jiwon so deeply they need to break apart a couple times to get air in their lungs.

Jiwon is ready to close his eyes and snooze off, sleep his hard-on away, too tired to do anything about it– at least until Hanbin starts tracing his hand down Jiwon's chest and mouth at his neck.

“Hey, hey,” Jiwon says, a laugh at the back of his throat. “It's okay, babe. Go sleep.”

“I wanna get you off.”

“Really, sleep. You're tired–” He tries to say, but Hanbin's hand reaches the inside of his pants before he gets to finish.

A moan leaves his mouth at the first contact and Hanbin smirks at him for not being able to keep it down.

“You want this just as much as I do,” Hanbin tells him.

“Fuck, yeah. I do.”

Hanbin moves lower, from his neck to his collarbone and keeps going down and down until reaching the seam of Jiwon's sweatpants.

“Hey, Bin,” Jiwon says as soon as he realizes what Hanbin is planning to do. “You really don't have to.”

“But I want–” And there it is. The hesitation. Hanbin kisses his navel and touches around the edge of his pants. “I–” And then he stops. “I want to do something.”

“Hey. Hey, there. It’s okay,” Jiwon tells him. “We’ll take it slow.” He nudges Hanbin back up with a hand hooked under his jaw. “Do whatever you’re comfortable with. I can do it myself if you don’t want to. It’s alright,” he reassures him.

“I want to,” Hanbin answers as he kisses Jiwon, a few pecks on the lips and then across his jaw. “I want to do something, at least.”

“That’s fine, baby. Whatever you want.”

They kiss for a few more seconds as Hanbin moves around to lie on his side, half lying on top of Jiwon, then slips his tongue inside his mouth and his hand goes straight to the front of Jiwon’s pants.

“Bin–” He tries.

“I want to. I really do,” Hanbin answers. “Can I? Please.”

Jiwon smirks at that, feeling Hanbin’s hand press down on his groin. “Yeah. But only if you want–”

“God. Shut up, I do.”

Hanbin is a lot more comfortable with this, what with the way he doesn’t miss a beat wrapping his hand around Jiwon’s cock– fist a little bit too tight, but he fixes it as soon as Jiwon makes a face that doesn’t look too much like arousal.

“Sorry–” Hanbin is quick to apologize.

“It’s fine, babe. I promise.” Jiwon threads his fingers through Hanbin’s hair, soothing motions getting the right effect. “I’ll tell you if you’re doing anything I don’t like.”

Hanbin takes it as the invitation it is and lifts his hand to his own mouth before spitting on it and getting right back on track. His strokes are just a tad awkward but Jiwon enjoys it nonetheless. The sole thought of Hanbin – _Hanbin_ – being the one who’s touching him like this is more than enough to overwhelm his senses and have him moan louder than he can control.

Hanbin’s hand starts stroking him slowly, Jiwon’s breath hitching and mouth hanging open, then thumbs around the head before getting faster, over and over. Jiwon’s back arches the tiniest bit, and Hanbin starts mouthing at his collarbones, keeps going down to his chest and tongues at Jiwon’s nipple.

That gets a reaction.

Jiwon moans low from his throat, hand going back up to Hanbin’s hair to pull at it then pressing his head against his chest again. Hanbin huffs against his skin. “You like that?”

“Shut up.”

Hanbin leaves hickeys across his chest, moving over him to kiss and suck on Jiwon’s other nipple, and goes down to his abs, though he makes sure Jiwon’s chest keeps getting some attention with his other hand.

“I like kissing you,” Hanbin says. Jiwon is losing his mind. “I like the taste of your skin. Is this okay?” He asks, as if he didn’t know, but Jiwon tells him anyway.

“It’s so good, babe. So good.”

Hanbin’s hand moves faster on his cock, keeps thumbing at the head and tracing the edge with his digit. His arm is getting kind of cramped, but the noises coming out of Jiwon’s mouth only get louder and he’s not about to slow down.

Hanbin keeps the pace up as he kisses and licks Jiwon’s navel, biting and leaving marks until Jiwon is lifting his hips off the bed and whining nonstop. Jiwon’s breath catches and then he’s coming over his own chest, barely missing Hanbin’s face, as he pumps him through it with the same strength as before and kissing his abs one more time.

Jiwon’s still feeling the aftershocks when Hanbin goes up to kiss him deep and slow, jerking him off through the last of it until Jiwon relaxes under him, spent and breathless.

“Was that okay?” Hanbin asks to make sure.

“Way, way fuckin’ okay,” Jiwon answers, hands around Hanbin’s face as he kisses him again. “Can we sleep now?”

Hanbin does that smile of his, Jiwon’s eyes focusing on each of his features, and nods before cleaning his hand on the edge of the sheets.

“That is gross,” Jiwon tells him.

Hanbin rolls his eyes and lifts the covers up over them, getting comfortable next to Jiwon and hugging his waist. “I just had my hand on your dick, deal with it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **EDIT (nov 9th):** ill be back soon!!! i am so sorry i didnt feel like writing for some (very long) time but i got back on track and i got all the main plot figured out!! i hope i can post the next chapter in a week or so (since im still busy) but i can reassure yall that im currently working on it and i Will finish this. hope everyones been having a good time and thank you so much for all the comments and kudos and love  <3


	9. whipped and gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello its me after 23123 years!!! im sorry about the delay yall know how that goes, heres a pretty longer-ish chapter that will hopefully make up for it and junhwe's pov to bring some light into the truck sized head's thinking

With time, Junhwe perfected the art of acting like he's got his shit together, and he prides himself in being pretty convincing. But it's exhausting and it's been going on for long enough Junhwe feels like kicking his own ass for ever getting involved with Jinhwan.

He thought he’d be fine with casual, stringless sex. He got the chance and took it; figured it’d be a one time thing, simply a release for Jinhwan, and the only opportunity for Junhwe to be closer to him. But there was a warning in the back of his mind saying it wouldn’t be that easy, it can’t be. Now Junhwe wants to take it all back and never let go at the same time.

Junhwe takes a deep breath and gets up with half an hour left until his alarm rings, too worked up and in immediate need of caffeine.

Hanbin is walking out the door when Junhwe reaches the kitchen. “Hey, good morning,” he says. “Meet me in the practice room once everyone’s awake.” Junhwe nods, too groggy to speak, and heads straight to the coffee maker.

He sits on the living room couch sipping on his coffee for what feels like an hour until he hears phones going off in the nearby rooms. By the time everyone’s up and getting ready Junhwe hasn't moved an inch, holding an empty cup and still wearing pajamas.

“We have to be in the practice room in five,” Yunhyeong tells him as he passes by, like Junhwe needs the reminder. He grunts in response, Yunhyeong raising a brow before asking, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he answers. It’s weird hearing his own voice after staying silent for so long. “Just tired.”

“Get another coffee then, it’s going to be a long day.”

 

Last night Junhwe dreamed about kissing Jinhwan until his lips were raw and his jaw felt sore. There was no lust, rush, nor desperation. It was kissing for the sake of it, for the sole need and want of feeling each other’s skin, and with the ease carved in his stomach that he could have this whenever he wanted. He didn’t remember this until seeing Jinhwan for the first time that day, and he felt his heart being strangled when he realized it was nothing but a dream.

He greets Jinhwan with a subtle smile, not being able to display more in fear of showing too much.

 

Junhwe is on a mission to make his life easier, and his current problems are not getting enough sleep and Jinhwan’s overall existence. He can’t do anything about the sleep deprivation, but he can sure as hell try to do something about Jinhwan.

His plan is completely flawed. Junhwe has barely learnt a thing about what happened; he’s going to keep up their game, after all he’s only human, but try to keep his distance in every other aspect. He can’t be too obvious, though, or it’d give him away. So he’ll stop the flirting (as best as he can), and avoid unnecessary interactions (also as best as he can.)

He figures, completely wrong, that if he keeps Jinhwan at bay things will calm down between them and, eventually, their benefits relationship will subdue until disappearing completely without harming any of them. Junhwe’s been pining over Jinhwan for countless years anyway, so he’s sure he can go back to looking at Jinhwan from the distance without it fucking him up.

But Junhwe is an idiot and destiny is a bitch, and the first thing out of their vocal coach’s mouth that evening is that Jinhwan and Junhwe will work on a duo for practice. The rest of vocal line will work on their own song in the room across the hall.

The coach gives them a music sheet with lyrics each and tells them she made the arrangements herself, sounding quite proud, and goes on about how she thinks the melody and concept would suit their voices. She says something else but Junhwe doesn’t catch it. They’re going to sing _I Wait_ by _Day6_ , a song Junhwe is pretty familiar with from hearing it on the radio, and very much familiar with the lyrics for basically summing up his current life.

So apparently God hates him– or loves him, depends on which Junhwe you ask.

When Junhwe turns his head to Jinhwan he finds him already staring back. There’s a look sent each other’s way that leaves Junhwe feeling vulnerable and exposed, like Jinhwan knows exactly what he’s thinking and he wants nothing to do with it.

It’s gone soon enough, but still lasts way too long for Junhwe’s comfort. 

Junhwe can’t bring himself to give it his all and it shows. The whole situation caught him off guard and he’s having issues regaining his composure, controlling the feeling in his voice, and is too distracted to focus on what he should.

He gets scolded a lot, and Jinhwan has to deal with the consequences, too.

Practice runs longer than initially planned. As soon as they’re done Jinhwan turns to him, looking concerned and ready to ask what the problem is, because he can totally tell Junhwe’s issue has something to do with him. Jinhwan is a better mood reader than Junhwe gives him credit for. So Junhwe does the only thing he can think of and bolts, muttering a, “Sorry, slept like shit last night.” which isn’t even a lie.

 

Junhwe takes ten private minutes to sulk on his own before heading to dance practice (which is now happening multiple times a day, debut so near they can taste it). He’ll get through today and be back to being his usual self before he gets another scolding by Hanbin. He gets a text message and instantly starts thinking of an excuse for why he’s even more late to practice than intended.

Except it’s Hyejin. The message reads, “ _Heeeyy, heard youre performing @ my college tmorrow!!! Cant wait to see u and ur boyfriend in action ;)_ ” And now Junhwe thinks it would’ve been ten times better if the text had been from an angry Hanbin.

He forgot. Completely. More like he didn’t pay enough attention– but he can’t be blamed for that. They have a bunch of schedules doing different things in different places, and there’s no way he could – or would bother – to remember all of that. But paying enough attention to connect the name of the college in the printed schedule to the name of Hyejin’s school should've been effortless.

At least now he doesn’t give a shit about the song. He’s too fucking worried about Hyejin and Jinhwan seeing each other. He’s worried about Jinhwan and his reaction. They might have cleared up things between them (or well, at least Jinhwan has) but Jinhwan’s insecurities didn’t just disappear with a heartfelt talk. Junhwe can only hope Jinhwan doesn’t crash all on his own and pushes Junhwe away again.

Junhwe gets through dance practice more than okay on willpower alone. Ultimately, he can't afford to lag behind and one crisis a day is the most he'll tolerate – though with his current history he should tighten up that rule a bit more.

 

Junhwe needs a plan to handle the situation at best as he can. He's being unnecessarily dramatic, but what's life without some theatrics, right?

He texts Baymax, “911 SOS CODE BLUE I NEED ALL DETAILS ABOUT TOMORROW'S COLLEGE SCHEDULE STAT.” just to make sure the importance of the request is clear.

The answer is a short, “not even gonna ask what’s going on. Give me 10’ ill let u know.”

Next comes damage control. Jinhwan is alone in his room when Junhwe knocks on the door.

“Hey, Jinan.”

Jinhwan is sitting in front of his computer but fooling around with his phone. He looks up and says, “Hey, what’s up?”

Junhwe closes the door behind him just in case – because lately Jinhwan and him alone in a room turns into an orgasm. He grabs another chair and sits down next to him. “Not much, I just wanted to clear something up before tomorrow.” Jinhwan raises an eyebrow. “We have a schedule at the same college where Hyejin is doing her major, so you’ll probably see her around. Figured you might appreciate the warning in case you start overthinking things again.”

Junhwe’s tone is a mix of concern and pure condescending teasing. Jinhwan’s eye twitches as soon as Hyejin's name comes up, but any trace of surprise is gone in the next second. Instead, he rolls his eyes and smirks, catching Junhwe’s teasing as nothing more than that.

“That’s fine, just don’t let anyone catch you fucking her in some classroom.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Junhwe playfully hits him in the shoulder. “You never let me have fun.”

Jinhwan gets up and stands in front of Junhwe, looking down at him with an aura of pure lust surrounding him.

“You can have all the fun you want,” Jinhwan says, putting his hands on the backrest of Junhwe’s chair, caging him in. “But I like it better when you’re having fun with _me_.”

Junhwe’s libido goes from zero to a hundred in a millisecond. He looks at Jinhwan up and down, at the way he’s standing ready to jump on Junhwe at the first sign of consent.

Junhwe relaxes in the chair and opens up his legs, Jinhwan comfortably fitting between them. “Well, if you’re ever bored you know where to find me,” he answers licking his lips while staring at Jinhwan’s mouth.

Jinhwan gets the hint and kisses Junhwe in a flash of lips and tongue, moving one hand to the back of Junhwe’s neck while the other grips the side of his body. Junhwe moves both of his to grip Jinhwan’s hair before yanking hard, biting at Jinhwan’s bottom lip and sneaking his tongue inside his mouth. Junhwe pulls him in, slides his palm down Jinhwan's body and presses at his groin.

The chair is not big enough to fit them but they make it work. Jinhwan sits on Junhwe's lap, legs around Junhwe's body barely reaching the floor, while Junhwe holds Jinhwan by the small of his back. Chair sex might sound hot but it's awfully inconvenient. Jinhwan kisses along Junhwe's jaw, leaving small bites then sucking tiny spots on his neck.

They don’t have the energy to do anything but grind against each other and sneak hands inside underwear. It’s late afternoon already and the exhaustion and stress is set deep in their bones. But it’s nice, having someone close, Jinhwan’s breath against his skin and his warmth around his body.

Junhwe spits on his hand and goes back to Jinhwan’s cock, jerking him off faster and mixing his precum with his saliva.

“Wait,” Jinhwan says, voice all whiny and cracked. “I’m gonna cum on your clothes.”

Junhwe goes faster, thumb pressing against the slit and twisting his wrist like he knows Jinhwan loves. “‘Ts ‘kay, babe. Come for me.”

Jinhwan does, spilling all over Junhwe’s shirt, eyes closed and mouth hanging open, looking so beautiful Junhwe can only stare.

It’s a problem he’s been having for a long time; having Jinhwan orgasming in front of him should bring lust, but all Junhwe feels is intimacy, awe, and something else he still doesn’t dare admit.

 

It’s a very sunny, very hot day for September, which means everybody has to deal with the heat in their already planned outfits. The staff set up an empty classroom in the university as a changing and styling room. It isn't optimal but it's the best they can get.

Junhwe is fixing his hair in a mirror when his phone buzzes.

It’s a text from Hyejin reading, “ _U busy? Can i go hang out?? i wanna meet the boy._ ” Junhwe looks around the room for no real reason, like he doesn’t wanna get caught.

He texts back something like, ‘ _im in the classroom next to the room with the giant thing hanging on the door that looks like the uni logo i think_ ’ because he has no actual idea where he is.

However, Hyejin sends, ‘ _omw_ ’ back, so she knows what Junhwe meant better than he did.

Five minutes later there’s a knock on the door and Hyejin is shoving her head inside the room with a giant smile on her face. Junhwe grins back at her and greets her with a hug, squeezes her hard until she’s giggling and squirming away.

Everyone is staring at them by the time Junhwe lets go. He looks around and rolls his eyes. “This is Hyejin, a friend of mine,” he adds for emphasis. “This is everyone.” Junhwe makes a gesture to the room and Hyejin bows a couple of times.

Jiwon whistles from the distance, so Junhwe grabs Hyejin by the wrists and walks out of the room before Hyejin even gets a word in. Which is probably a mistake since everybody else makes more noise as they leave.

“Dude,” Hyejin says laughing. “Your friends totally know everything that’s going on, don’t they?”

“About us?” He asks, standing a few feet away from the door so they can talk in peace.

“About us _and_ about you and Jinhwan.”

Junhwe rolls his eyes once more. Seems like he’s going to do that a lot today. “Yeah,” he sighs. “If I haven’t talked to them about it then Jinhwan has, or they talked about it with each other. So yeah, one way or another they all know.”

Hyejin smiles at him kind of condescendingly, though Junhwe knows she means it in the best of ways. “You need to fix this ASAP.”

“God, did you come here just to scold me?”

“Yes!” She hits his arm and laughs. “You need someone to kick your ass in the right direction, and I’m obviously the only one willing to do it.” She crosses her arms and starts a staring contest. Usually Junhwe is great at these, but her eyes are so focused on him and judging him so loudly he loses real quick.

“It’s not like I don’t want to,” Junhwe whines. “What am I even supposed to tell him? There’s too many things at risk, I can’t just blurt everything out. It’s not only my pride on the line here.”

This time it’s Hyejin who rolls her eyes. “Dude. Calm down, you know exactly what I mean when I tell you to talk to him. Don’t act stupid. There's nothing you could tell him that would put iKON in danger. He would never let that happen, you know this better than I do.”

Junhwe is defenseless against her arguments, which is the main reason they became so close once their sex phase was over.

Hyejin quickly became Junhwe’s best friend; someone he could rely on that didn't have the, minor but still there, disadvantages of being in the same group.

Junhwe had a hard time explaining to Hyejin he liked guys, and he had to make a double take when all Hyejin did was nod and prompt him on like Junhwe wanted to say anything apart from ‘ _hey i also like boys please be cool about it_.’ She understood almost everything Junhwe meant with minimal explanation, accepted who he was even after knowing he was an idol and having heard all sorts of rumors about him.

Before they got close Hyejin was nice, casual company, but with time Junhwe got to know her and she got to know him, and by the time they noticed they were more friends than fuck buddies, so sex started feeling more personal and they both came to the agreement that it wasn’t working anymore.

When Junhwe and Jinhwan had their big talk all Junhwe could think of doing was run to Hyejin. She has a way with words, and after listening to him all she needed to say was “ _Dude, you’re so whipped_.” for shit to hit the fan in Junhwe’s mind.

“I know you’re not gonna believe me that easily,” she tells him, arms crossed and still staring at Junhwe like she’s scolding a child – which she pretty much is. “But you’re being an idiot and so is Jinhwan. I can tell there’s more to the story that what you think there is. So go, and talk to him for real.”

A member of the staff walks past them, and they stay quiet until they’re out of earshot.

“Then what do I do?” He asks.

“Just tell him. Honestly tell him that it’s not about sex and it never has been. I know you think I’m telling you to accept a death sentence but there’s more to it than you think.”

 

They go back in the room after one of the managers scolds Junhwe for wasting time. Hyejin finally gets her chance. She does it subtly enough, but Junhwe feels her scan the room for Jinhwan now that she has the chance to actually look around and isn’t being dragged away to avoid teasing.

Hyejin personally greets all of them, stopping one second longer on Jinhwan.

“Jinhwan, right? I’ve heard some stuff about you,” she says teasingly.

The rest of the room is back to doing their own thing and getting ready for the stage, so no one else hears their talk.

Jinhwan answers, “So have I,” with the same teasing tone.

And thankfully it’s all fun and games. Jinhwan doesn’t look upset at all and Hyejin is being as charismatic as always. However, Junhwe knows they’re both assholes who love to make fun of him, and he’s not about to let them pair up against him and make his life more complicated than it already is.

“Alright, gotcha,” Junhwe interrupts them, grabbing Jinhwan by the arm and pulling him away from her. “I don’t need you becoming friends or you’ll never let my ass live in peace.”

Hyejin cracks up as Jinhwan smirks at Junhwe, still being pushed away by him. Hyejin watches them talk and doesn’t intervene.

“Woah, you jealous or something?” Jinhwan asks him. “Don’t worry babe, your dick is still worth hanging around for.” Hyejin giggles in the background but neither of them pay her any attention.

“Oh, fuck off,” Junhwe answers. He raises his hand up to Jinhwan’s chin and softly pulls his face up before whispering, “Your mouth is pretty but I can get one of those anywhere.”

Junhwe hears Hyejin gasp from where she’s standing and immediately releases Jinhwan, remembering where he is and what he’s just done in a room crowded with friends and coworkers. Jinhwan’s still smirking up at Junhwe like his whole plan was to get him worked up.

Junhwe throws a glance at Hyejin – she’s looking right back at them but doesn’t say a word, and then she winks at Junhwe, waves, and leaves the room. Junhwe hates her; hates that she’s right and he’s whipped beyond repair.

 

An hour later finds them sitting and lying around in the same room, almost empty now, twenty minutes away from being called on stage.

Junhwe is playing with his phone, some addicting game inspired by tetris but not really, so fixated he doesn’t notice Jinhwan getting up and walking up to him until he’s whispering in Junhwe’s ear.

“We have at least ten more minutes and I just had an idea I think you might like.” Junhwe startles before focusing back on Jinhwan’s voice. “I’ll be in the bathroom across the hall.”

Junhwe watches Jinhwan leave the room in the direction of said bathroom, he takes a second to process Jinhwan’s words and immediately drops his phone on the couch, game not even paused, and goes after him.

Jinhwan shoves him hard against the door the second Junhwe closes it behind him. “So, I’ve been told I have a pretty mouth,” Jinhwan starts, and Junhwe’s heart stops for two entire seconds. “I’ve heard you like those, right?”

Junhwe stares at Jinhwan and at his truly pretty mouth, and his brain has no better idea than to replay Hyejin’s entire conversation and make him come to the decision that, yes, she’s right, and if he keeps this up _he’s_ the one who’s going to get hurt, and eventually this thing between them will either crash and burn and ruin everything they’ve worked for, or slowly dissipate into nothing.

Junhwe thought he could handle it, he truly, truly did, but it’s also not the first time he lies to himself just to make the fun last a little longer, and the outcome is always Junhwe having to put himself back together all on his own. It’s happened before he even was a trainee, it’s happened multiple times since he’s been a trainee, and he’s not about to let it happen again right before debut.

Jinhwan is starting to kiss Junhwe’s neck, trailing his hands down his torso when Junhwe grabs his wrists and pulls him away before blurting, “I can’t.” Which isn’t exactly what he wanted to say, but his brain is going three miles an hour and shortcutting on him. “Not now, not– I just can’t. I’m–”

He steps back from Jinhwan and bolts before Jinhwan even gets the chance to take in his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, constructive criticism or letting me know about typos and stuff is always appreciated. it took me so long to write this chapter i hope its not too inconsistent, i wont promise to post soon but i do promise to finish this story no matter what, thank you so much for reading <333
> 
>  **EDIT [04/01]** : new chapter soon, at most in a couple days ;)


	10. set things in motion(less)

Hyejin approaches Jinhwan with a smile on her face, a respectful bow and a witty comment. It's a great first impression, and though Jinhwan was set on meeting her without all the intrusive thoughts clouding his judgement, her laid back attitude and respect for Jinhwan and Junhwe's privacy calms his nerves a lot.

When Jiwon stars whistling at them, followed by the rest of the room, and Junhwe leaves the room with Hyejin, Jinhwan feels the slightest bit apprehensive.

When they come back and Hyejin acts so comfortable around him and reaffirms Jinhwan’s relationship with Junhwe in a single sentence, Jinhwan's insecurities take a step back and all he does is laugh along.

It's a short rollercoaster ride but, ultimately, Hyejin’s visit wasn't harmless.

There's still the aftertaste of being replaced in the back of his throat, a desperation settling in his gut because if he doesn't do _something_ Junhwe will leave him. Junhwe's teasing might have been completely innocent, but sooner or later Jinhwan's mind makes sure all the words get twisted and turn into an ugly ball of self-doubt.

This time, Jinhwan takes a different approach. His fear turn into lust and his insecurities into need. It burns him from the inside, and if Jinhwan were any more aware he’d notice it feels more like acid than desire.

Junhwe did the right thing when he warned him Hyejin was going to show up, so Jinhwan makes an extra effort to be chill and cool about it, pretend like nothing’s changed. But he doesn’t realize that’s the opposite of what he’s doing until it’s too late.

 

“Not now, not–” Junhwe says. “I just can’t. I’m–” And then he bolts, and that’s all Jinhwan gets as an explanation before Junhwe leaves the room running like Jinhwan’s touch burnt him.

Jinhwan can only stare at the closed bathroom door, unmoving, before realizing that whatever the fuck just happened is probably the end of whatever the fuck was going on between them.

There’s a voice from the hallway letting him know there’s only 15 minutes left until showtime, and Jinhwan grabs into their upcoming performance like a lifeline because he can’t fall apart now. So Jinhwan takes a deep breath, checks his hair and clothes in the mirror even though there’s nothing to fix, and leaves the bathroom with his stage persona on as an armor.

Junhwe doesn’t even throw a glance at him after their encounter. They still hold hands while praying before getting on stage, their chemistry is still flawless while they’re performing, and it’s almost like nothing happened for a good entire hour.

Then, Jinhwan gets it. They’ve been fooling around for who knows how long and nothing of the sort had ever happened before, Junhwe had never had doubts or regrets or had been anything but confident and obviously okay with what they were doing. So, what happened? What changed today? And in a split second Jinhwan understands. A glance at the crowd in the far back of the room is all he needs.

Hyejin is standing with a group of her friends, singing and clapping along. Harmless, charming Hyejin who’s not at fault at all for Jinhwan’s messy one-sided relationship. And yet, she’s the only new factor in the equation.

Junhwe had Hyejin and Jinhwan in the same room for less than five minutes, and that’s all it took for Jinhwan to become more trouble than he’s worth.

Or at least that’s how Jinhwan feels about it, though he’s pretty sure he’s overreacting. But whatever. Endgame is Junhwe was pretty obviously freaking out, and it’s at least partially Jinhwan’s fault.

In any case, Jinhwan saw this coming from the beginning. There’s no such a thing as sex without feelings.

As selfish as it sounds, he never thought he’d be the one who got attached.

 

A couple of days go by without another incident. Junhwe and Jinhwan manage to act as casual as usual, friendship still intact, back to how they were before the fateful night they got drunk and fucked for the first time.

Jinhwan knows something drastically changed this time; after all, it took them all this mess to finally pull off pretending there was nothing between them.

He's been angsty since he first met Hyejin and the days that went by only increased his need for Junhwe's exclusive attention.

It's not healthy, but Jinhwan doesn't think it's that unhealthy to want Junhwe to fuck him senseless against a wall– they're both filled with hormones, after all.

It shows in every schedule they have on stage. The dirty dance moves and looks thrown each other's way is enough for Jinhwan to know he's not the only one craving contact. It shows every time Jinhwan and Junhwe cross each other in the dorm, knowing full well there's at least one empty bathroom they could have a quicky in. It shows every time Jinhwan catches Junhwe starting at him across the room, and every time Junhwe is the one to catch Jinhwan.

But Jinhwan doesn't make a move out of respect for whatever went through Junhwe's mind that last time in the bathroom.

He can respect Junhwe's rejection enough to step back. Thing is, Junhwe himself doesn't look sure of what he wants. Junhwe stares, studies, analyses all of Jinhwan's features until his gaze runs down his body and sends shivers through Jinhwan's spine.

 

The next time they see face to face is not Jinhwan’s doing. Junhwe corners him in the dorm hallway, some time after everybody else went to sleep and Jinhwan took the chance to use the bathroom.

The second Jinhwan sees Junhwe his heart stops, a mix of intense relief and adrenaline rushing through him. He’s so ready to get fucked (or whatever, honestly) into oblivion– until he notices the frown in Junhwe’s face. And Jinhwan goes from horny to _panicking_ , because he saw this coming but God, it felt like it was never going to happen but now it is and it’s not _fair_.

Jinhwan knew it wasn’t going to be long before Junhwe cut things off; Jinhwan can be intense even when he doesn’t mean to, and the second he realized Junhwe was more to him than a simple fuck he could tell he was becoming too much. So he figured, and with reason, that Junhwe would read through him sooner or later and realize Jinhwan meant more than he showed. Jinhwan thought it wouldn’t take Junhwe more than a week or so to figure it out but turns out they lasted, at least enough for Jinhwan to forget their fling was going to end. But now it is, Jinhwan can tell just by the look in Junhwe’s face.

“Hey,” Junhwe starts.

“Just–” Jinhwan says. “Just tell me whatever it is you came to say.” Junhwe raises a brow, looking both confused and like he got caught cheating on a test. “I can read it on your face, tell me what it is.”

Junhwe takes a breath, looking like he’s about to speak before pausing, breathing deep and finally saying, “I don’t think it’s good for us to keep this up.”

“Keep what up?” Jinhwan snaps. “Nothing has been happening lately.” His voice is heavy with sarcasm and offense, though he knows he has no legit reason for it.

“I know. I just thought I should give you some closure, let you know I’m not leaving you behind and this has nothing with you.” Jinhwan’s frown is barely perceptible, but the pleading look in Junhwe’s eyes tells him he noticed. “It has nothing to do with you or with Hyejin. We’re not fucking anymore, and we actually haven’t for a while.” Jinhwan raises an eyebrow, because last he heard they were very much fucking. “She’s my friend. She’s nothing but my friend now.” Junhwe sighs, defeated, like explaining things to Jinhwan is another chore on the list that he must get done. “She’s my friend and I trust her and we help each other. She’s been helping me through some stuff that I can’t deal with on my own.”

Jinhwan takes a step back and Junhwe knows he said the wrong thing.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Jinhwan cries. “Why do you trust her but not me?”

Junhwe makes a face, and Jinhwan doesn’t know if he should be offended about what he said or scared of what Junhwe will say next.

“Because I can’t trust you with this.” Junhwe’s fists are clenching and he takes one step closer to Jinhwan. He sounds annoyed and exhausted and Jinhwan has no idea why, because in his book he has no right to be. “Because it has to do with you.”

Jinhwan flinches in a quick motion but soon enough only rage and frustration are fueling him.

“If you just wanted to cut things off quick and dry, I’d understand,” Jinhwan says, the anger loud enough to hide the hurt. “But it’s doesn’t look like that to me.” And Junhwe’s breath gets caught in his throat.

“What do you mean?”

“You keep looking at me like that, and I’m not stupid enough not to read it.”

“Looking at you like what?” Junhwe knows exactly what Jinhwan means, he licks his lips and moves his body towards Jinhwan almost on instinct.

“Like you wanna eat me up.”

Hot static hits Jinhwan and he’s closing his eyes before Junhwe even gets close enough to kiss him. Jinhwan grips his hair like Junhwe will leave if he doesn’t, and as Junhwe’s hands wrap around his waist a warmth fills Jinhwan in a way he both despices and craves.

“I thought you wanted to end this,” Jinhwan says teasing in the best way he knows how.

Junhwe catches his lower lip and sucks, runs his tongue along it and Jinhwan melts under him like honey.

“One last time,” Junhwe answers. “Just one last time.”

Junhwe walks them towards the living room, pushing Jinhwan along. It's not the best setting but it's the only one they have right now.

They fuck so slowly and gentle Jinhwan feels whatever walls he had left coming down. Junhwe looks exposed and it’s scary how much Jinhwan loves it, how comfortable Junhwe is, how they wouldn’t want it any other way.

There is a hidden meaning in this moment, a thought Jinhwan is too scared to entertain because if he’s wrong and acts on it, everything will fall apart. So it’s better to let it play out; to enjoy Junhwe’s hands on his body and his tongue on his dick and play with his hair as Junhwe blows him; to kiss Junhwe so deep he has the aftertaste in the back of his throat, to imprint the view of Junhwe’s blissed out face in his memory before he loses the chance forever.

 

They put their clothes back on in silence and Junhwe leaves the living room first without so much as a glance, and though Jinhwan wishes he had, he knows it’s for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here i am again with some delay, theres probably one or two chapters left depends on how the end works out as i write it. again thank u sooo much for all the support and im emotional already bc getting to this point of the story is already such an achievement for me.
> 
> thank u everyone for the comments and kudos or simply for reading. hope i didnt mess up too much and like always, constructive criticism is always appreciated, see u soon <3
> 
> a quick note: [im doing commissions for 1 and 2 USD](https://transgerard.tumblr.com/coms) if anyone is interested, id very much appreciate any commissions!!


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